I feel so cold now

[penguinparty00]

Been with partner 2.5 years and have a 5 month DS, prior to DS our sex life took a nosedive lot of issues with this from him not interested, me feeling rejected , him unable to initiate sex, something he's struggled with his whole life, then during pregnancy we barely had any sex maybe twice at most and following the birth of our DS I can count on one hand how many times we've been intimate we had lots of talks, arguments shouting and crying sessions and he is now in counselling as he wants things to change, however it comes down to this.. I've lost who I am I used to be so out there, so confident so loving and caring and very sexual but now I just feel rejected, unwanted, disgusting I feel like not only has he made me feel this way by not being interested but on top of that pregnancy and birth have taken their toll on my body and well my lady bits and I feel cold towards him I almost resent him that if all this now falls to shit he can walk away no problems at all I walk away with a body that doesn't work, no confidence and a constant feeling of not worthy / sexy. I feel cold - I'm cold towards him he comes in to check during the night when I'm feeding the baby and because he asks if I'm ok and wakes the DS I get angry and shew him out the room, I'm cold towards him I don't want to cuddle as much and although he's now trying I feel I've lost who I was like it's too late! I love him I really do and he has always been loving - holds hands, kisses , hugs but the intimacy has just taken it's toll and I want it back but I'm just so cold I feel like it is gone and I don't know how to change it.. don't really know what answers I'm looking for on here I guess maybe hope and how on earth do I begin to find the old me!

You say he's in counseling, what about yourself? Might help as well.

I have no idea if your relationship is salvageable they usually aren't but as long as there isn't any abuse it's probably worth you going to counseling as well and then seeing where you guys are at in a few months.

It sounds like you started having intimacy issues like 1 year in, that's so early.

@Shelddd

You say he's in counseling, what about yourself? Might help as well.

I have no idea if your relationship is salvageable they usually aren't but as long as there isn't any abuse it's probably worth you going to counseling as well and then seeing where you guys are at in a few months.

It sounds like you started having intimacy issues like 1 year in, that's so early.

I've got my first session in a week, yes we weren't even a year in and it came to the surface that in his passed relationships the intimacy would go the relationship would just break down and he would have no desire to sort it and because he's "never loved anyone until he met me" now he's only just realising the extent of the issue and trying to fix it with counselling. I guess you are right I'm just not good at patience but I guess I must now learn and try and work on me instead of focussing on him being the issue!

I swear I could have written this and was logging on to write something similar. My DS is 14months and my husband and I have had sex 6 times since he was born. The worst part is, our sex life was never even good. I’ve never orgasmed with my partner (or any partner tbh - although I always enjoyed sex). I’m so confused and in a constant cycle of wanting sex, trying to initiate it, getting rejected, feeling disgusting, and then feeling angry and even more disgusting as I want it more than him even when I don’t enjoy it so he must REALLY not want me. He swears he loves me and is attracted to me but I feel like is it worth keeping the relationship going when I’m effectively numb when we ever do get around to sex. As you said - I’m gone cold.
Our little boy isn’t sleeping at the moment so my husband uses it as an excuse to sleep in the spare room so I can bring the baby into the bed. I feel so lonely. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry - I know this doesn’t help......

@FeelingLowAgain

I swear I could have written this and was logging on to write something similar. My DS is 14months and my husband and I have had sex 6 times since he was born. The worst part is, our sex life was never even good. I’ve never orgasmed with my partner (or any partner tbh - although I always enjoyed sex). I’m so confused and in a constant cycle of wanting sex, trying to initiate it, getting rejected, feeling disgusting, and then feeling angry and even more disgusting as I want it more than him even when I don’t enjoy it so he must REALLY not want me. He swears he loves me and is attracted to me but I feel like is it worth keeping the relationship going when I’m effectively numb when we ever do get around to sex. As you said - I’m gone cold. Our little boy isn’t sleeping at the moment so my husband uses it as an excuse to sleep in the spare room so I can bring the baby into the bed. I feel so lonely. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry - I know this doesn’t help......

It helps immensely! I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing the same! I really do get it, I lost my cool on Friday and screamed (well whisper shouted as I don't want to be that woman with the little one around) at him and said what is wrong with me and he said nothing so I said what is wrong with him he said nothing so I literally just said there has to be an issue if we're having no sex and he couldn't get his head around that! He just said what couples are having sex with a new baby on the scene.... lots I replied. When DS is sleeping I'm just wide awake so many thoughts going through my mind, I'm getting no sleep, feeling exhausted, then snapping at him, the. Feeling guilty for everything but also feeling resentful of him and angry I feel he has turned me into this version of me I don't like yet I really do love him And I wish I could say sex isn't important to me but it really is, I was looking at sex toys because like you I can't recall the last time I orgasmed so I thought well i might just get something to replace him he saw me looking at didn't even acknowledge, zero interest at all !

You're not alone. I myself have gone through this.
When our partners can't satisfy us. Get us to orgasm. They feel let down and it then switches them off. But silly men don't talk about it. Have you tried clit stimulation. It's what works for me, but is extra work for hubby.
About the lack of intimacy after baby. It's normal, my DH would often say "oh you don't love me like before, you don't give me the tlc like before." It's true I don't, I'm too busy with a newborn who is fully dependant on me. I don't even give my self tlc. How can I you.
As a new mum our hormones mess us up. Our body isn't the same and that's what we didn't fully expect. We look in mirror and don't feel like us and then our men don't tell show us any care. A little white lie, saying you look beautiful even with baby sick down your back would please you.
It's not you in the wrong here. You're being harsh on yourself. You have gone through a lot. Pregnancy, delivery and a new mum.
Wish men would be taught to deal and help us

That’s the toughest thing - not knowing what to do and no being able to do anything about it. My husband has acknowledged that he’s not happy with our sex life either, but he’s not doing anything to help. We’re now at the point where he needs “space” in the evenings so he goes into his office (with his games console and tv) and spends the evening in there. I just feel so lonely, I have to ask for a cuddle or a hug and while he always obliges I just feel like a needy and pathetic person looking for affection.
It has completely eroded my self confidence on top of completely loosing “who I am” since having our little boy. I feel so lost and so stuck, but I love my husband so much.
Surely if he’s going to counselling he’s acknowledged there is an issue there though? Have you tried date nights?
We’ve put in date nights which has helped me cope with the loneliness the other nights of the week, but I want to suggest trying date nights with cuddles and kisses but with sex off the table. Hoping that going back to basics (kissing and “making out”) might get us back to the start of our relationship and just start from scratch. But my confidence is so shot at this point I’m terrified of sounding stupid/needy/childish