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Relationships

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Original poster

My partner lied about his past

31 replies

Reyna24 · 17/05/2021 01:09

Hello everyone! I'm new here and 24 years old mother and wife. Nice to meet you all!
I have a issue, it's between me and my partner. We are in relationship for over 2 years and when we started dating he mentioned about his ex-girlfriend, he told me details about her and the relationship. Later I found out that he had not one, but 2 or 3 girlfriends before me. For over a year I struggled with a lot jealousy about this and couldn't accept or pass over it. I just couldn't accept the idea that the man I love had someone before me, but I tried my best to try to live in the present and focus on us because there was no other way. Recently, like 1-2 months ago, he confessed to me that all those stories were not true and he doesn't even remember many of the things he said to me and that I'm the only woman he ever had. I was in shock and now it's super difficult to trust him again. I have to mention that he have childhood trauma, insecurities, trust issues and when I asked him why he did that he said he felt inferior, and he wanted to feel better about himself and that he saw me talking with various guys in social media and he was very jealous so he made up that story. Now I'm so confused and I want to trust him and pass over but it's so difficult. I feel I need a proof and so far I received a confirmation from his best friend that he doesn't know about any girl until met me. I have to mention that I got pregnant shortly after we started dating so this could be kind of a proof, plus other signs which can prove that but still, I feel I want him to take more responsibility for what he did but I feel he doesn't do that enough. And it's just too hard to believe, because all that story seemed true, like, too well detailed to be just made up. I don't know what to do. What do you think?

OP posts:

MulaD · 17/05/2021 01:19

I think ask yourself how much this really matters. Everyone has a past, I'm sure you do. People lie when they first meet as Chris Rock says you meet their representative not them. He's yours now that is what matters, nothing before.

AnyFucker · 17/05/2021 01:22

I think you sound like a jealous and insecure nightmare and that if you carry on like this your relationship will not last.

DPotter · 17/05/2021 01:32

Really, you were jealous of the fact he had 2-3 girls friends before you. Seriously? This is totally out of proportion and not in any way acceptable. He could have had 20, 200 girl friends before you and it's none of your business.

I think you need to look at your own reactions here and get your own head straight - way to much drama over a few possible girlfriends. You will push your DH away if you continue with this vein of thought

Stretchandsnap · 17/05/2021 01:43

I think you should get a grip! As long as he’s not dating the these people now at the same time as you and treats you well, what he did in his past relationships are not your business. Let it go, otherwise you’ll drive yourself and and break up your relationship with your jealousy and insecurities

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2021 01:46

Are you religious? Because that's the only reason I think I might care.

And you sound very very young. Which means being a wife and mother, you'll have to grow up really quickly.

ladypete · 17/05/2021 01:51

I have to mention that he have childhood trauma, insecurities, trust issues and when I asked him why he did that he said he felt inferior, and he wanted to feel better about himself...

With all due respect OP, lots of this seems to apply to you too. You seem extremely insecure, you clearly have trust issues and you have admitted to acting out in the past because you felt inferior...

It really shouldn't matter whether he has had 0 or 50 partners before you. You are together now, no exes are involved and you have a child.

It’s frustrating that he lied, however you sound quite over bearing (asking his friend for confirmation on his irrelevant past relationships?!)
and I think you need to let this go.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/05/2021 01:58

You were jealous that he had girlfriemds before you but you were still allowed to talk to a load of other guys on social media while dating him?
You struggled to get over the fact he had girlfrinds?
My tip would be to grow up.

starrynight21 · 17/05/2021 02:00

I feel I need a proof and so far I received a confirmation from his best friend that he doesn't know about any girl until met me. I have to mention that I got pregnant shortly after we started dating so this could be kind of a proof

I'm not sure what this means - you got pregnant quickly so that is proof ? Proof of what ? All it proves is that you and he had sex and didn't use any contraception.

Sorry but you sound very young and very VERY hard work. His past shouldn't have any effect on your relationship but you are turning it into a huge thing. Good luck , I think you're going to need it.

Guavafish · 17/05/2021 02:03

Does it matter? The past is the past

Your married with a child = family. So forget this jealously and drama. Move on with happier things.

GingerScallop · 17/05/2021 02:09

Having partners before you has no bearing on feelings for you now

have to mention that I got pregnant shortly after we started dating so this could be kind of a proof, plus other signs
How is getting pregnant proof of anything other than that you had sex around your ovulation time? Can explain what it proves?

You sound very insecure and possessive. Very young and unaware of how life operates. You need to grow up fast for the sake of your marriage, your child and more importantly for your own sake

Abouttoblow · 17/05/2021 02:13

It sounds like you're members of some kind of religious organisation. If having previous partners is a big issue and that could cause problems with your religion/beliefs, you need to decide what's really important, i.e. him having previous partners or him lying about having previous partners if he didn't.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2021 02:14

If you don't let this go, "this" being nothing that matters, you will destroy your marriage. Who he dated, kissed or shagged before you were together is none of your business anyway. You're an adult now, stop behaving like a teenager.

Hydrate · 17/05/2021 02:17

I would believe he made up those women to impress you, just like he said. If you can accept that he did not really mean any harm and forgive him and then forget about it, and carry on. Have a fresh together, that might be a beginning to some peace in your relationship.

BlueVelvetStars · 17/05/2021 02:17

I think your Partner should run as far away from you possible, and you should seek deep meaningful therapy. 🌸

cally8019 · 17/05/2021 02:35

I had 2 boyfriends and 4 sexual partners before I met my now husband at 17.

Get a grip.

Sunflower1970 · 17/05/2021 02:49

I don’t think anything this poor guy can say would satisfy you. He was probably embarrassed about being a virgin and it was all bravado. You really need to grow up and start behaving like an adult

peboh · 17/05/2021 03:08

I think you need to speak to a doctor about the fact that you're suffering anxiety and pushing unrealistic expectations on the people you love.
Your boyfriend more than likely made girls up so he looked like a stud, he didn't want to come across as inexperienced. Men are much more worried about those things than we give them credit for.

blueangel19 · 17/05/2021 05:26

Take the advise here and see a therapist as soon as possible.

blackcat86 · 17/05/2021 05:55

Shocked to read that your 24 as you both sound about 14 with all this unnecessary drama! Please do a lot of growing up before you end up pregnant and bringing children into this awful mess

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/05/2021 07:08

blackcat86 too late.

Poorlykitten · 17/05/2021 07:15

You were upset he had partners before you and now you’re upset he didn’t?
Think you need to focus on bringing up your child and forget all this unnecessary drama.

drpet49 · 17/05/2021 07:33

OP you sound insecure and controlling. Asking for “proof” from his best friend?

I hope his best friend told him to run a mile away from you.

JohnsRaincoatLost · 17/05/2021 07:38

This does sound very teenage rather than a grown woman. I think you really need to seek therapy, he isn't allowed to have a past but you allow yourself to be talking to men over social media. If he was talking to women on social media? You cannot have double standards.

All the issues are your issues and in order to have a healthy relationship and give your child a great example of what a healthy relationship is you need to sort out all of your insecurities. You need to talk these through with a qualified counsellor.

spotcheck · 17/05/2021 07:40

OP
You BOTH sound like you need some help.
The priority now should be giving your little one the happy, heathy, stable home life he/she deserves.

Perhaps invest in yourselves by going to therapy- both alone and together

ElphabaTWitch · 17/05/2021 08:06

Think you both would benefit from separate counseling. I mean this in the nicest possible way. Sounds like you both have previously unresolved issues that you need help to overcome or accept without causing you distress.

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