MIL

[Lanesra1886]

NC for this

I've been with DP thirteen years, married for ten and have a DD2. Before we had DD we saw the IL's once every 2-3 months. Now that we have DD we see them 2-3 times a week

MIL has always been bossy and doesn't think before she speaks. Just comes straight out with it. I'm quite quiet and reserved, I feel like I'm being spoken to like a child quite often. She's very abrupt. I think it stems from her job and she can't switch off

Today, as usual, I had been bossed around and spoken down to. I finally pulled her up on it. I told her how I feel when I'm spoken to by her and gave a few examples when asked

It did sour the afternoon a little but it's been going on for too long. It's got to the stage where I barely make any conversation with her as she always seems to disagree with anything I say or do or she criticises it

DP did initially have my back and told their DM how she speaks to people makes them feel belittled and like a naughty child. DP now seven hours later seems to have changed their mind and is barely talking to me

I guess the reason for my post is because I'm wondering if anybody has any advice on how to handle somebody who is so abrupt and straight to the point. I don't think she means to make me feel this way but she does

I've said to DP that we need to start seeing my side of the family more, we hardly ever see them and we see his side all the time. I think we need a bit more space for a start. I've put up with it for thirteen years, I really don't look forward to going over there anymore

That’s an insane amount of times to be driving over per week, how do you have time?

You simply refuse to go, you’re in charge and if your dh moans, then tell him to get on with lessons. Simple. Go and see your own family, for goodness sake! Why are you letting your pil dictate to you? Are they asking you to go over so frequently? Why do you agree? They want to see you (dd) then they can come to you.

If your dh gets arsey, tell him he can get the bus til he passes his test. Not driving means he’s reliant on you, about time he learnt.

We did suggest them coming to us instead recently before this happened and it was met with some opposition as it would mean one couldn't drink! *
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Side issue: how much are they drinking around your DD? 🤔

See them less and drop dh off whilst you go shopping.

I really like my mil but 2-3 times a week would still be too much! Definitely scale down visits and make sure you see enough of your family. I think it’s really good that you said something

I'd scale it back to once a week (for the time being and then even less), if they do complain then they can drive to you. You can always go out when they arrive if you really don't want to see them.

I'd use the spare time to visit your parents.

If your dh isn't happy with that then he can start driving lessons, get a bus or taxi.

I know it's never easy when you are the quiet one but now is the time to put your foot down.

As for your dh sulking, that's awful and could be seen as him trying to control what you say and do, something else not to put up with