Without going into my entire life history my father is emotionally abusive. I've only realised the extent of it recently which has been quite painful. Some example are:
- He's never in the wrong. He will tell me long monologues about my parents' marriage and what a bad wife my DM is. He can't see that he is the cruel/abusive one.
- I can't be seen in public with him as he has form for making a scene and embarrassing me. For example, he once shouted at me in the middle of a restaurant.
- Is very hot and cold which I find the hardest thing to deal with. Some days he is really nice to me and surprises me with gifts, helps me out a lot with things (e.g. changes my car's tyre, etc). I would say the majority of the time he is nice, but when he turns it is is drastic and really painful. I feel whiplashed by it and feel stupid for ever forgetting what he can be like.
- trigger warning: mention of suicide intention I can't speak about any of this to him in a calm, rational conversation. He will accuse me of being cruel and his response will be he'd be better of dead and threatening to commit suicide (a threat I've had used to control me since I was a child).
I'm currently living with my parents as due to the pandemic my job situation is very, very uncertain and I don't have enough savings for a safety buffer. If all goes to plan I'll be moving out by September. I'm at work most of the time anyway but it's really affecting my mental health. Should I just keep my head down and try and ignore it all?
My DM is aware of all of this but has decided to stay with him.