Financial differences and inability to forward plan

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

So would this annoy anyone.
1 joint toddler dc and 3 step, away may half term for week in self catering cottage. Booked a lifetime ago, well over a year ago.
I've paid for the cottage in full. Dp just has to do spends and petrol for himself and his 3. I'm paying spends and petrol too as taking 2 cars so pretty ev3n split apart from inital costs which I paid.
He's zero money saved. Zero. Going to put it all on credit card as it will cost a fortune apparently. He does this every single time we go away and then moans whole time.
I keep reminding him beach, picnic, walking are free and fun but he won't have it as that's boring and insists on expensive activities or eating out/drinking out.
His living costs are low, 350 a month all bills apart from maintenance and car payments/fuel. No mortgage/rent costs as I own. I just am astounded that yet again he hasn't forward planned!

ADHD?

Nope. Not that's ever ever been diagnosed.

Yes that would annoy me.

Please don't ever marry him.

It is very annoying but it sounds like he won't change.

He's getting a free holiday because you've paid for the accomodation.
Do you earn more than him?

Do you know where his money goes? How do you work finances?

Why did you pay for all the cottage costs? Is this a usual occurrence that you pay for the bulk of things? Does he contribute to your joint DC at all?

I notice you own your house and are clearly good at financial management so I’d be very careful if you merge finances (it rather sounds as if you shouldn’t).

He sounds awful. Why are you with him?

I diagnose him as being a twat. Apart from the moaning, why are bothered how he pays for his share? Why are you astounded, if he’s always been like this? This is who he is, either accept it or move on because it doesn’t sound like he’s going to change.

Have you had this out with him?

‘You’re awful with money and I’m fed up of it. Your living costs are reasonable as you don’t pay rent/mortgage but you can’t even manage to budget spends/petrol for a family holiday...when I’ve paid for the actual holiday! I’m sick of listening to you complain about money it’s very unattractive and you need to get your s* together’

I couldn’t live with or have a family with someone financially irresponsible

What does he spend his money on? Is he a low earner?

How would he manage financially if you were not around? He fell on his feet with you.

I'm not sure you'll have a sensible conversation since you are far apart on finances and also activities.

I hope you don't give him any money op.

He sounds like an absolute deadbeat.

OP it sounds like he is taking you for a ride...I don't want to sound dramatic,but he is a grown man with children who can't manage a simple and easy budget?

Sounds like he has it very very good living in your mortgaged home etc.

Make sure you don't marry him unless he seriously sorts his finances out. I realise it's tough once you have children together, but sometimes it's better to split rather than live with someone who drags you down and can't be responsible with finances.

I think it would be different if there were no children and you were young with little responsibility, but he needs to grow up fast.

No we don't merge finances for various reasons, this being one of them. I earn more but pay half bills even though higher due to dsc. I pay all maintenance of house stuff and all savings and our joint dc savings.
I pay for accommodation or we would never ever go anywhere.

Side note, I'm not rich. I'm an average earner eg just under 40k and full time.

How long have you been together? Did his financial approach factor in the end of his previous relationship do you think?

Just under 5 years. Dc shone a light on the issue.
He seems to think zero savings or forward planning is normal. Tbh it may be amougst his friends but its unusual in mine. Even my single mom friends save carefully just in case

My DH really struggles to forward plan; I’ve always known this about him and to a certain extent I’ve accepted it. Our finances aren’t completely joined but I save and plan for us both so I tell him what he needs to give to me to save towards the kids Christmas presents and holidays.
He does end up in situations where he’s having to put things on credit cards and it irritates me as they’re for things he knows he needs to buy but he doesn’t moan about it and he pays them off without having to pay interest.
I guess we’ve found our way to manage things and DH accepts that he’s not good at it and doesn’t moan

Hmm...how helpful is he? Does he contribute in any practical way to the household? Or is that a minimal contribution like his financial input?

Childminder runs he does more than half off due to my working hours for dc. But he works all weekend (self employed) so I have dc all weekend alone unless dsc are here then he dosnt work those weekends. I do find that annoying but is what it is.

He's not your partner, he's another child.

How much does he earn OP? Who pays for childcare for your toddler?

Part of the joint bill split at 350.month.
I have zero idea how much he earns and he dosnt really seem to know if asked.
Maybe 12k or 18? I literally have no idea.

Sounds like he doesn’t have an inability to forward plan more like he can’t be arsed. And you facilitate that. Sounds like a bit of a c*cklodger tbh

When are you going to end this farce of a relationship?

Things never improve you are on completely different pages and always will be.

This is where I usually say have a relationship but don't live together, but it's a bit difficult when you have DC. Can you see his tax return if he is self employed, sorry if that is not allowed, I am not sure about this.

I don't think the answer to every relationship issue is LTB. You share a child, a blended family and it isn't as easy as all to just walk away and you might not want to that but the issue is clearly the way in which you both deal with money. if this issue was resolved would there be no other issues? If so you need to send all children away for a couple of hours and sit down with a spreadsheet. Explain why him not saving and then moaning about credit cards causes you so much upset and find some joint ideas to tackle this-for example if he insists on expensive meals out and activities you cost it realistically-at which point he may decide to cut down-and agree who will pay for what. It's too late for him to save up but if he agrees to put x amount on a card and has a plan to pay for it then let him do that but he needs to agree not to whinge about it. It is too late for him to save in advance for the May holiday so don't have it ruined by him and money. The problem with a lot of budgeting for bills etc from a joint account is that there are events which don't fit into categories but happen regularly-holidays, Christmas, car repairs, decorating, furniture, birthdays etc and I imagine every time they rock around he acts like it is the first time. Itemise all of these things and show him how much it costs on average per month for all of the unexpected expenses and if he wants the lifestyle he needs to save (or give you to save in a joint account) x amount per month. If he doesn't then book no more joint holidays on the basis he can't afford his share. He may soon change his mind. You just need to have one of those difficult conversations and much as it sticks in my teeth, try to make it as non-accusatory as possible so that the conversation isn't stopped by him storming off in the first five minutes. Good luck!!!