I avoid my ds

[KinseyWinsey]

He's 16. He's really unpleasant.

Always complaining about all kinds of stuff like the wrong porridge oats, chocolate spread running out (mostly because he eats it all), that we won't ferry him here there and everywhere at all times of the day. Etc.

Slamming doors around the house and kitchen cupboard doors.

I can't wait for him to leave home except he's now messed up his GCSEs so I don't expect he'll be leaving home for years.

I guess unpleasant people are born into the world every day. Just because he's my som doesn't mean I have to like him.

No way am I kicking him out. God knows what would happen to him.

I tend to just say, "Yes dear." And walk away when he kicks off.

Some of the stuff he comes out with though is utterly irrational and I do wonder if he will behave this way as a grown man.

So in terms of consequences, he's had his gadgets and internet access confiscated. That's what bothers him the most. But his behaviour doesn't improve at all afterwards.

I'm starting to think nature makes teenagers insufferable so that when they eventually leave home, it's not a wrench.

@Tomyoneandonly who says I act like him in return? Where did you read that?

I empathize. It's not easy. I remember thinking if it was my DH then I could divorce and cut all ties but a child is different and it's our role to navigate them through these difficult times. I'd say generally if they are acting out at home it's because they are stressed or unhappy or just frustrated. They push the boundaries whilst needing them. They do grow up and generally get less entitled and more pleasant, but it takes a few years

No don't mimic bad behaviour. Pick your battles, try and diffuse the situation. Talk when things are calmer. Listen without giving your opinion.

This is not normal teen behaviour. It's abuse. Eye-rolling, talking back and messy rooms are normal teen behaviour.

Tell him that if he has nothing nice to say, then he doesn't need to bother opening his mouth.

Put up a chalkboard in the kitchen. If he runs out of food, tell him to add whatever it is to the shopping list and not to bother coming to complain to you. You're not interested.

And let him know that the next time he damages your property, you will report him to the police for criminal damage.

I don't think you can label this bad behaviour by a 16 year old,as just being a teenager, hormones etc. Its not acceptable to have a child in your home, who is angry all the times, ill mannered to a parent,and smashing up things etc. You didn't bring him up to be selfish and full of anger. He can't continue to walk all over you and cause all this disruption in your home, and he is old enough to have some ultimatums given to him now.

Not sure if your SON is still at school, maybe he needs a little job somewhere, where he has to be with some grown up people,who have to work with others ,and have respect for other people.

Does he speak with to his dad like that? Is he around?

It bothers me also that violent temper tantrums and unbelievable rudeness is just apparently considered normal for this age range???
I did not behave like this, my sister did not behave like this and I don’t think I ever saw a friend behave like this.

I dread my 8yo dgs getting to teenage years. He's already a brat, even though I love him to bits and we get on well. Things can only get worse.

Op I got it from other pps.... From the sounds of it you are doing the right thing. I am guessing he will calm down soon. Its been a hard year and almost like he feels he has missed out on his last year at school. It will get better I promise just keep up the calm work it really does pay off.

There's one living next door to me like that. Kicks off regularly; slamming doors and yelling with his big booming voice at gone 10pm when I'm trying to sleep.
Then chasing his screaming sister up the stairs and banging on the bathroom door where I assume she's locked herself in. It's a nightmare.
I for one will be bloody glad when he leaves home or his mother kicked him out.

So the weight training late at night. Is he involved in a gym at all? Or a sport such as rugby, NFL, Aussies rules where bulking up is somewhat encouraged? If so, I would be keeping a v close eye on any potential steroid use.

What you describe may well be teenage hormones but the rage would seriously worry me.

I have a 16 year old and he is obnoxious at the moment and has a bad temper as in will slam a door or bang his desk
But he hasn't broken doors or thrown things
He has swore at me and dh though and there were consequences of no wifi etc i don't tend to argue with him though if he is being stroppy , I just ignore him and then chat when he is calm
But he was such a happy chilled out child until a few months ago when he turned into a grunting , grumpy little shit.
I have a nearly 18 year old also and he went through this but is coming out the other side .

You're not wrong, I once attended a lecture about behaviour in teenagers stemming from the need to loosen parental relationships in order to leave and procreate. Makes sense, but it's still shit. Keep enforcing boundaries, let natural consequences take their course and show him that you're not going anywhere.

My eldest was despicable at that age, but completely changed at about 18 and we now get on so well now she behaves like a rational human. Fingers crossed he starts to come round soon.

"And he certainly doesn't like the way I tell him off for smashing things in anger or breaking down a door when I've told him he can't train with his weights after midnight because it's noisy and wakes the other kids."

"Some of the stuff he comes out with though is utterly irrational and I do wonder if he will behave this way as a grown man."

He trains with weights? Is there any chance that he's using steroids and what you're seeing is Roid Rage?

Welcome to the “16yr old teenagers owners club” my DS is exactly the same. Deep inside is the kindest, loving boy but he has entered the chrysalis stage.
They have had the shitiest year imaginable. Just when they should be finding their own independence that have been confined to home with the people they “hate” the most. Socially isolated and bored beyond despair.
They will probably emerge better human beings as a result but we just have to be patient. Every other mum I speak to describes exactly the same behaviour. If they had been doing normal teenage stuff over the last 12mnths we would probably not have seen this behaviour in such close up detail.

I sympathise DS1 was quite unpleasant at that age, he was also unhappy and that allowed me to give him some slack but only some.
I'd say there needs to be consequences of smashing things or breaking doors and I would absolutely call the police for that as he wouldn't be allowed to behave like that anywhere else.
I think 15/16 is when they are at their height of being completely self absorbed. It does get better.

Could something have happened to him to trigger this rage he seems to feel at the world? Bullying, abuse, rejection etc. Teenagers are definitely moody but he also seems angry and resentful. If he's always been like this, then that's one thing. I do just wonder when teenagers morph into complete monsters overnight, if it's all just hormones or something else going on and them not knowing how to manage those feelings.

Hes still a child at 16 and your obvious dislike if him won't be making him like you any better your the adult and you need to remember he's going to remember how you treated him. If he's horrible or nasty then yes tell him off but also treat him with love and remember your his mum. Let him have some freedom, and responsibility try and find some common ground but dont let his teenage years ruin your relationship forever.