No feelings for new man

[stonecoldheart]

After 3 years of unsuccessful dating, I've finally met someone great. We've been dating about 3 months and have a ton in common. Both moved to Australia from Manchester, both have twin girls, both divorced, similar upbringings, similar interests, even similar schedules.

He's extremely attractive, and sweet, although by no means perfect. Any bugbears I have with him though are pretty minor.

We go out for dinner 3 times a week, sometimes go to the cinema and have really nice, deep chats.

Unfortunately I can't seem to muster any strong feelings for him and I'm not sure if I should be , 3 months in.

The sex is good but the chemistry isn't mind-blowing. He definitely doesn't give me butterflies. All of my previous relationships have given me butterflies but equally, they've all ended badly.

I can't work out if I should be persevering or if I should call it a day?

If I do persevere, how do I try to make more of a connection? I suspect the feeling I have is mutual but I don't think either of us want to give up on it.

Sounds like you're using each other for company. Nothing wrong with that as long as you're both in the same position.

Sounds like you have just found someone to bump along with, bit like being married really !
How would you feel if he left ?

@JustAnotherOldMan

Sounds like you have just found someone to bump along with, bit like being married really ! How would you feel if he left ?

I think I'd be disappointed to be back on the dating scene but I definitely wouldn't pine for him.

You sound like a good match, it would be a shame to jack it in without being more sure of what you want, especially if you would be looking again, knowing how draining dating can be.

I know it's early days but do you think there's enough there to see yourself eventually developing an enduring love towards him based on things like contentment, reliability and companionship, rather than an exciting connection? Alternatively, do you think you'd run out or things to talk about/ the imperfections you mention would lead to the 'ick' setting in given the lack of a strong sexual attraction? Not saying it's either/or but if you feel that either of these eventualities is likely, it might inform how you might like to proceed.

Well, on paper it does sound ideal. You are spending a lot of time together for three months in. Was it intense from the off?

Maybe after three years you were expecting fireworks that mo man could live up to?

I don't know, just throwing a few ideas out there. Feel free to dismiss

Do you think you're maybe seeing too much of him? So there's not any of that big build up/anticipation, which is what you usually get at the start of a budding romance? Familiarity breeds contempt etc.
Probably time to sit down with him and have a chat, see how he is feeling.

He sounds great, what's his number?

@Windmillwhirl

Well, on paper it does sound ideal. You are spending a lot of time together for three months in. Was it intense from the off?

Maybe after three years you were expecting fireworks that mo man could live up to?

I don't know, just throwing a few ideas out there. Feel free to dismiss

That's an interesting point. I never really thought of it as intense but maybe it is that? We started off seeing each other far less though, maybe once every two weeks. Could definitely be part of the issue!

See him less and see if you miss him.

erm,
3 x a week 3 months in certainly isn't too much contact. if anything it's not enough! so I wouldn't count that as the problem

Do you feel guarded around him? Is your instincts kicking in? Sometimes it doesn't work and you can't force it.

You kinda know already I think. Those feelings are not going to just suddenly appear.

You're both bumbling along because theres no "real" problem or reason to end it but I bet if someone came along that DID give you butterflies, you'd probably end this relationship pretty quickly

Not pining for him if he left you says it all. It's all very 'meh'.