Confused here?

[Helpplease101]

So I started dating a man that I fell totally in love with. I started to feel a bit anxious. He works in entertainment and I started to feel uncomfortable that he was still portraying himself as single when we had been together 7 months. I noticed he would never reply to any comments I made on his social media and he never ever mentioned a girlfriend and always made out he was on his own. I felt like a secret. He was also still in constant contact with a fwb he was seeing just before me. I don't know If it was my own insecurities like he said or my intuition but something felt off.
We broke up because of this. I immediately regretted it through and have since been trying to work things out with him. He says I love you but can't be with you because of your Insecurity right now. He has sent me away to work on this. I feel so messed up in the head. I guess ideally I wanted him to reassure me but he didn't and now he is acting distant. Every time I say okay and back away he calls me up or messages me telling me he loves me but can't be with me at the moment. I'm so confused. I'm confused about why I want to be with him too? He didn't bother with my birthday Xmas nor valentines. Made cry because of the lack of effort on those days. So what is wrong with me why am I longing for him? Sex was really amazing and I'm very attracted to him so perhaps that's what's going on

Raise the bar. Come on this sounds like hardwork and not a healthy, happy relationship.
How old are you?
Sorry but it sounds like a very childish relationship.

It's a bit of a headfuck, isn't it?

What's the point n being with someone who makes you cry?

Yes you are right. How do you mean raise the bar? Sorry I'm straight from a very abusive marriage so I'm as confused as others about my reaction to this.

Yes a real headfuck. I think I felt guilty but not sure if I'm being gaslighted here

I'm in my late 30s

How do you mean raise the bar?

It means you should expect more from him. To be honest he sounds like he isn't interested . He tells you he loves you "but can't be with you at the moment" - in other words, he says what he needs to say to keep you wishing and waiting . But his actions are what you should be looking at. He didn't bother with you at Christmas, Valentine's, birthday, so that's about 6 months he hasn't done anything. And you've only been together for 7 months ! He is still seeing his FWB . Making no effort with you .

You could do a lot better than this loser.

He’s not treating you well at all. You don’t need anymore of this, don’t give him anymore opportunities.

Raising the bar is raising your standards in men. He isn't interested in being totally present for you in this relationship. I tend to get drawn to musicians/entertainment industry guys and my last one was fairly well known and I was not shown as his girlfriend on any SM including all mine did not show as us together. There is a good reason for this . He has a lot of fans and some of them are ....well....a bit...weird and fanatical. Someone got a whiff I was the girlfriend and I got lots of friend requests from his fans that I had to decline. We sadly have recently had to go our separate ways due to his work load now going through the roof with tours back on now. I would set this one free if I were you. Its triggering some anxiety in you and he probably isn't right for you to be with someone that isn't all in for you.

Thanks starynight you are right

Litter bird yes he is well known too. Although I can't for the life of me see why he needed to portray himself as single in this case. I too get drawn to these types. How are you feeling about it ending? Did he treat you well in the relationship?

What are you in love with?
It must be an imaginary image of this man because in reality he is treating you like crap.

Thanks intruth I agree

My majesty truth bomb

He calls us past lovers current friends future is unknown.... I need to block this head fucker

@Helpplease101

Litter bird yes he is well known too. Although I can't for the life of me see why he needed to portray himself as single in this case. I too get drawn to these types. How are you feeling about it ending? Did he treat you well in the relationship?

We have been friends for over 25 years and we got together 2 years ago...covid hit but he has now got a full european/world tour lined up plus other stuff he works on in the studios and live. It was sad for a bit but we still chat frequently and he asks for advise for stuff he is doing, I went for lunch with him a few days ago. We both were very sensible with the split, I am mid to late 50s he is mid 60s. He is a lovely guy and I was treated well. I would never stand for bad treatment hence my bar is set high with men. It was an inevitable split as we were in a long distance relationship too so the gods were against us. I am just starting to see someone else now (another musician....god help me!!!!!!!!!). He thankfully lives around the corner and I have seen more of him in the last couple of weeks than my other man in 2 years. Musicians and entertainment industry people have to focus on themselves as they are self employed and have to be present for themselves, their fans and their promoters. Its tough for them and those who stick by them. I dont regret for one minute the 2 years I spent with my ex but it was time to let him go.

Thanks litter bird. He sounds like a nice guy. Good luck with your new partner too.

Get away from this man. He doesn't value you and will make you beg for crumbs knowing your hooked! Find someone open honest and proud to be with you.

*you're

I agree he keeps reaching out just to be mean