What would you do in my shoes. Advice please

[Hadtonamechangeforthisone21]

Regular poster but NC for this as potentially outing when linked with other posts.

Was in a relationship for 10 years, we have one DC. For context it was a very casual relationship and I fell pregnant with DC and we decided to make a go of things. Ex DP is a good guy- patient, reliable and great with our DC. Has his flaws, don’t we all. Over the lock down I realised we were more like friends. No arguments just bobbing along and affection was non existent.

We decided to take a break and see how we felt apart. Out of the blue I met someone else- absolutely was not looking. Someone I knew some years ago, we were never romantically involved previously. We just hit it off and spent some time together. He is also one of the good guys. Has his own DC from his previous marriage that didn’t work out. He had been very vocal about seeing a future together,

I was honest with ex DP about the situation and he made it clear he hopes we can work on our issues and reunite. I think this is certainly what’s best for DC but I’m unsure it’s right for me.

As far as DC is concerned a stable home with 2 parents is best. Neither me or ex DP miss out on holidays, time with DC. No arguments, but I am aware I don’t want to model a dysfunctional relationship.

Would you follow your head (ex DP) or your heart and see how things go with this new man?

Heart. Reads to me like your relationship is over.

But keep an eye on your life. It may not work out with new man and then you're on your own. So keep your practical head on, but I'd end things properly and see the new man for dates.

Neither. I’d have a break from relationships while I formalised the split with DP and got ourselves both set up with separate housing, finances etc, and agreed a routine for care of your child. I’d tell new man that I need six months’ time to do this. If it’s meant to be and he’s the good guy you say he is, he will understand and he will take a step back. Then I’d see where I was in six months’ time and consider starting to date him then, if your child is doing ok with the change in family circumstances.

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Neither. I’d have a break from relationships while I formalised the split with DP and got ourselves both set up with separate housing, finances etc, and agreed a routine for care of your child. I’d tell new man that I need six months’ time to do this. If it’s meant to be and he’s the good guy you say he is, he will understand and he will take a step back. Then I’d see where I was in six months’ time and consider starting to date him then, if your child is doing ok with the change in family circumstances.

I agree with this.

What @SimonedeBeauvoirscat said. I’ve just finished a long marriage (amicably touch wood) and am taking 6 months out before I even think about another relationship. It’s tempting to throw ourselves into the new exciting thing before processing the end of the old one. He will wait if he’s as mad about you as he says. But I certainly wouldn’t stay in the old one. You’d end up leaving a few years down the line imho. A therapist that o spoke to about my marriage (took me 2 years to be able to leave a “good” guy) said that once women say they are done, they really are done.

All new things sound better, it’s always the grass seems greener on the other side. However you need to be honest with yourself and ask is it over or not.
If you were to find out that your ex was seeing someone else how would you honestly feel if you noticed them in a pub laughing and smiling?

New man!

If the new man wasn't on the scene, would you give it another go with your partner or do you really think it's over? If it's over, do not give your partner false hope. Rebound relationships and/or exit affairs are quite common. Do not pin all your hopes on things working out but think of how you'd cope being single.

Op, I agree about doing nothing with new man. Ending a long term relationship will have an impact so you must allow those feelings to settle.

The new man has children, that means you have a blended family situation. That is really significant to your future as choosing to be a step mum isn't an easy option. Is his split amicable? If there is any hostility then I would run fast as you don't want to bring that toxicity to your life.