What can I do

[heidi128]

This is so hard to write....together 16 years two kids. He's a great husband, does his fair share and loving
But we don't have sex...I've told him how frustrated I am and I try to initiate it but he isn't interested and if he is he can't maintain an erection. I need that connection that making love brings.
I literally sort myself out but my god do I miss a good fuck.
I don't know what to do this has been going on for months and I'm now finding it incredibly hurtful. He won't communicate to me about it or seek medical advice. I don't want my marriage to end but equally at 35 I still want to have a physical relationship. I feel like such a horrible person even writing this :( I feel fat and unattractive

Sorry to hear this op, don’t judge yourself and looks as to why he doesn’t want to!
It’s more lightly to be something else, depression, anxiety, stress, money worries, the fact he looses it when you’re doing it, pressure of keeping an erection, porn.
He really needs to open up and talk to you about why... make pride?....

Male

Been in your situation you're. housemates not husband & wife.

I think it is something else but he won't tell me anything. I love him very much and want this but equally I can't continue without him opening up and telling me why

Hi OP,
If your husband can’t maintain a good enough erection for intercourse he is probably avoiding sex with you.

there are lots of potential reasons for ED .

www.nhs.uk/conditions/erection-problems-erectile-dysfunction/

Unfortunately he has to want to do something about it, 1st thing would be GP visit, but a sexual health clinic might be quicker

How old is your DH? Could it be age related? How old are the kids?

@heidi128

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time, but I'm a little shocked at your 'I can't continue to live without sex' attitude tbh

I get that at 35, you feel you should still have a full sex life, but the fact that you seem to be regularly 'pushing' your husband to 'perform' won't be helping him at all, I'm sure.

In fact, if your roles were reversed, all of MN would be shouting 'that's sexual abuse!' , 'it's sexual coersion' and 'you need to LTB immediately'

You can satisfy yourself manually for the time being, and give your DH some understanding and space, can't you ? Because sex is not the 'be all and end all' of a relationship ffs, is it ?

If other things in your relationship are also not doing well, then maybe try counselling first ? If he finds the lack of sex drive an issue to talk about, then he needs support and encouragement to help him get to a point where he can talk to someone about it, not continued harassment from you.

It could well be either a medical or mental health issue, which can be treated. It's quite possible he's been trying to seek answers for this problem online, and if so, you could maybe look at his browsing history for clues ? This might help you find out if he's trying to find a solution yet, or burying his head in the sand.

@updownroundandround that is a disgusting and horrendous thing to say. I'm utterly shocked being honest.

At no point have I said I have continuously forced him and I have just said how difficult it is. I love this man very very much and I'm no sexual predator. I'm going to report your comment.

I will no longer comment on this thread as clearly one person thinks I'm vile. Thanks to everyone else

I don't sit there shouting at him every night to get it up

Last night we snuggled up and watched a Film having had a takeaway chatting

Today we will potter about chatting

Sex never has and never will be the biggest part of our marriage

[quote updownroundandround]@heidi128

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time, but I'm a little shocked at your 'I can't continue to live without sex' attitude tbh

I get that at 35, you feel you should still have a full sex life, but the fact that you seem to be regularly 'pushing' your husband to 'perform' won't be helping him at all, I'm sure.

In fact, if your roles were reversed, all of MN would be shouting 'that's sexual abuse!' , 'it's sexual coersion' and 'you need to LTB immediately'

You can satisfy yourself manually for the time being, and give your DH some understanding and space, can't you ? Because sex is not the 'be all and end all' of a relationship ffs, is it ?

If other things in your relationship are also not doing well, then maybe try counselling first ? If he finds the lack of sex drive an issue to talk about, then he needs support and encouragement to help him get to a point where he can talk to someone about it, not continued harassment from you.

It could well be either a medical or mental health issue, which can be treated. It's quite possible he's been trying to seek answers for this problem online, and if so, you could maybe look at his browsing history for clues ? This might help you find out if he's trying to find a solution yet, or burying his head in the sand.[/quote]
You are wrong about roles being reversed.
Go on aibu, there is currently thread over 120+ responses, all saying woman should force herself to have sex with the poor innocent man.