I have a problem with how much, and when, DH plays poker. He plays at decent level, makes a little bit of money doing it, and is never irresponsible with money - this isn't a gambling issue. The problem I have is that he's checking out of family life in order to play and leaving me to carry the load.
Today he got up at midday - he's been on a horrible shift pattern this week, I didn't mind letting him sleep - and started playing at 4pm. He plays tournaments, so can't just walk away if the kids need something. So I spent all morning doing housework and managing the kids (4yo DS2 being very demanding atm), then had to do dinner and bedtime on my own too (DS2 has regressed through the lockdowns, so takes a lot of settling). DS2 has finally gone to sleep about 10 minutes ago, so I finally get to relax, but it feels unfair that I'm on the go from 8am to 10pm on a weekend - I managed to grab half an hour to myself in the afternoon, but he was faffing about looking for tournaments to play for the 4 hours between getting up and starting playing. I asked him to do a few small chores in that time - take the rubbish out, quick toy pickup in the living room, that sort of thing - but he hasn't done them. And the worst part is if he does well in this tournament, he could well still be playing it tomorrow! I just don't think I can do this anymore, it was fine when it was just a little hobby he did once the kids were in bed, but now it's become the main priority when he's not at work, and I'm left picking up all the slack. There's no reciprocation either, more often than not a tournament runs quite late into the night and then he sleeps in the next day too, leaving me to manage the kids on my own again. I don't know how to deal with this, I've tried talking to him about it but he's completely right when he points out that it's his only hobby, and I feel petty and mean for trying to get him to cut back. I just don't know what to do about it.
Sorry, that turned out longer and more ranty than I expected.