Head fuck

[Maydaybankholiday]

Have been on and off with someone for 2 years.
He suffers from anxiety and everything seemed like a massive effort for him. Simple relationship stuff was an effort.
I've ended it last year and he came back and we broke up again at the start of this year. He came back again apologising for everything and said he loved me, he said he wanted everything that i wanted, wanted to make plans with me and have fun this summer, so we gave it another go and i thought things were going good between us and he's just ended it with me now saying he's too over whelmed with everything and all the plans i wanted to make with him in summer!!
Head is fucked!!
Why? Just why?

Hi, i was briefly with someone likes this. When we were together he was lovely, we'd have a great time together. Every time i organised something he'd be up for it then end it right before. Then we would get back together and the cycle would continue. It was hideous as i was constantly upset and couldn't understand why he was doing it, i genuinely felt he was self sabotaging as he always said how much he liked me. But it became apparent that actually he just wasn't that in to me. I think you know you need to break the cycle and move on. Sending hugs

Has he been diagnosed by a GP? Is he undergoing treatment?
I have anxiety. But personally I would say you can’t be responsible for someone else’s mental health and if he’s not dealing with it then walk away.

It's a good question OP. Why did you take him back? Why, knowing what he was like, did you expect things to be different?

@maskface212

It's a good question OP. Why did you take him back? Why, knowing what he was like, did you expect things to be different?

Yes I thought things would have been better and that he would have started making more effort. I know I'm a walking cliché!! Why do they come back with that fighting talk though like they really want you. I've started seeing 2 other guys in the breaks too (both decent) which I obviously ended things with to try again with said man!!

OP we've all been there. We've all made that mistake of thinking it'll be different. It's not just you.

I suppose what I was really asking was what is going on with you? Why are you making these decisions? The reason that's important to answer is so that you don't keep doing this.

You need to block him and do what you can to move on. Do a 30 day no contact detox and start focusing on you. Build up your confidence and self esteem. Start yoga, healthy eating, stop drinking and just have a love in with yourself. I know it's crap but you'll get over it. I bet you're amazing and can't see it. Surround yourself with kindness and in a short time, you'll look back and wonder what you were thinking about this dweeb.

Read up on red flags so that should you meet someone like this again, you'll see the signs and cut and run before you get involved. You're going to kiss a lot of neurotic commitment phobe frogs (I also suffer from a diagnosed anxiety disorder before I get piled on for not being more understanding but I don't treat people like shit because of it). OP you're going to be ok.

FFS

He's wasn't happy in the relationship so broke it off. Then he probably had time to think, maybe panicked that it was better being with you than alone - you readily accepted him back. Rinse and repeat. It's the 'sunken cost fallacy' - you've invested time and effort, shame to waste it. I think you were both doing it.

It’s not anxiety. It’s commitment phobia. He does this to reduce the seriousness of the relationship before it goes too far. Move on before two years pf being stuck in this cycle becomes ten or twenty.

And to answer your question regarding why he is coming back, because he doesn’t want to completely lose you either. He cannot commit to not having you and you going off with someone else. He wants to to be an open option permanently