Had a blazing row with my mum, not sure how to sort it out, or even if I want to

[piggyporker]

Lots of stuff was said on both sides, I certainly don't feel like apologising and I can see this dragging on for ages.

I am a regular but I've changed my name because she sometimes reads the posts on here.

Do you think familiarity does breed contempt?

My mum has helped me out loads and I feel disloyal moaning but she has this amazing ability to drive me mad.

Sounds like you both need a bit of space.

The ones we love the most are usually the ones we would like to strangle on a regular basis.

Give it a few days, and see what happens.

I'm sure we would benefit from some space. The trouble is it won't change all the stuff that has been said, and my mum is a complete martyr she's capable of dragging this out forever.

No one else have a difficult relationship with their mum?

i love my mum dearly (big breath inwards!) however, she has to be about the most difficult woman alive, she can remember slights (real or imagined) going back years! she can sulk for england, she once sulked with me for 4 months ffs.

i have found several differant ways to deal with her over the years

1. ignore row, carry on speaking/usual contact as normal - sulkers find it very hard to sulk when said sulk is being ignored

1. tell my dad all about row, let him mediate, it does help that he has been married to the most difficult wife ever for nearly 50 years though!

1. pick the arguments i wish to win!

sometimes for the sake of peace, i will swallow my rage etc and 'let' her win. if i feel that she has really gone to far, i give her a taste of her own medicine, don't contact etc until she apologises!

i'm sure to many people this sounds like an extrordinary way to conduct a mother/daughter relationship and tbh at times i hate it.

you sound very like me - i love mum very much, she can be so kind, caring, etc but also totally maddening!!!

just love her warts and all - we are v.lucky to still have them around (i think )

It's obviously upsetting you that you've had a disagreement be the bigger person and ring and sort it out. That way it won't drag on and if she wants to sulk then you know you've done your best. Life is too short to let the sun go down on an argument. Yes you find her as annoying as hell sometimes asshe probably does you but as you said you love her loads too and which emotion is stronger and worth holding on to....

Yes, I do PP (maybe it's a porcine thing eh?! ).

We've always had an up and down relationship. I left home at 16 due to this and we've had 3 occasions when we've argued and not spoken for months. This was my choice each time as, even thoughI love her I can honestly say I don't like her sometimes - she can be incredibly vicious. I stopped seeing her because I needed a break from her.

Things were particularly difficult when I was a single parent with the DSs for nearly 5 years before I met DH. My mum used to look after DS2 who was 2 at the time when I worked 3 days a week. We also used to see each other every day that I wasn't working (going shopping, she always came to me for Sunday lunch etc)and really were in each others pockets.

This day in day out contact was just too much - definitely familiarity breeding contempt. I think she felt obligated to me (even though she offered to help with DS in the first place)and I felt in her debt constantly.

We now live an hour and a half away from her and I see her every 4 weeks or so and we speak on the phone a couple of times a week and as a result things between us are still not perfect but much better.

It is hard when they do a lot to help you but sometimes it is better for both of you to take a step back, maybe cut down on how often you see each other and then it's a pleasant thing when you do get together and the things that irritate you don't seem quite so hard to deal with as you aren't doing so as often as you are now.

Ooh thank goodness, I'm not being ignored and I'm not the only one who feels like this.

My situation is very similar to yours MissPiggy. I'm a single mum with several kids and my mum helps me out a lot. She comes over several times a week to help when I take them to clubs etc and I normally see her at the weekend as well. She comes over to help with the kids, but half the time the kids just seem to be a hindrance.

I have issues with her relationship with ds. Ds can be a bit difficult and I think it really shows in the way she treats him, she is much harder on him than the others. That was how the argument started last night and ds ended up joining in as well.

Mum then said I was disrespectful to her and that I was setting the kids a bad example by shouting at her etc etc. I pointed out that her own kids all had problems and she wasn't that great either.

She then started with the poor me, none of you respect me, I know I get on your nerves etc etc.

She also rings me every day, whether she has something to say or not. It makes me feel claustrophobic. Then I feel guilty because she does help me out, but often not how I would like her to. Half the time I think she wants to be around here so she doesn't have to entertain my (sort of) step dad on her own.

She never seems to have a good word to say about anyone, yet she is far from perfect herself.

God I feel like crap for saying all that, but it's true.

It all sounds really claustrophobic and too much. She's judging your parenting without being asked, you needing her help but wanting some more space etc.

Is there anyway you could organise for alternative childcare when you need it instead of your mum?

It sounds to me like she's not really bothering to make a life of her own for herself independent of you.

I couldn't bear it. I'd argue with anyone that I saw that much.