My male partner of 13 years has recently told me that he/she is gender fluid. We have two daughters and this is relatively new info. A couple of years ago he decided to try and spice things up a bit and talked to me about how he was into the idea of me dominating him and being his “mistress” he also told me that he likes wearing ladies underwear and wanted me to use a strap on with him. Being a fairly accommodating sort I tried all of the above but the knickers were not my thing. I cannot explain why but the thought of this really upset me. As a bit of context, his father transitioned 20 years ago and it had a very damaging effect on his family. My partners mum tried to kill herself twice and my partner had to deal with that. It’s still a big issue. Anyway, he also talked to me about how he had wondered if he was gay in his 20’s. I soon found that sex became solely focused on non penetrative sex and really all about his pleasure. He would want to try and use a strap on with me and kept coming to bed in knickers in spite of me saying it made me very uncomfortable. A month ago, I found some female blouses in his wardrobe and I asked him if he felt that the feminine side was escalating. He admitted it is. I asked him to seek some therapy about this and many other issues, he is a very lovely person but has communication issues. The most open he has been really is about sex. Anyway, he says his gender specialising therapist has advised him he is most likely gender fluid not necessarily trans. All of which makes some sense to me. BUT our relationship has been very difficult over the years and this has felt like the final nail on the coffin for me. I feel that I have been lied to but I know it was impossible for him to be honest with me because of the history in his family. But I do not fancy the feminine side of him at all. I am. Probably boringly heteronormative and I just am not imaginative or able to continue on this path. I have been online and what staggers me is that all online advice is about to support your partner and virtually nothing about how if feels to mourn the end of your relationship from the other side. I feel so unsupported. And I also feel sad I cannot say how upset I am. Instead I am meant to celebrate this new situation. We are being very kind and sensitive with each other. I have a therapist and I feel strong but also miserable. It’s not the only reason we are breaking up but I feel sad and am being jolly and supportive and wonder when I will be given the same level of understanding and support back. Childish I know. Is anyone going through this too?