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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Splitting up with the man I love

4 replies

user1482134515 · 14/05/2021 19:16

I hope someone out there can help me find a way not to break my own heart. A year and a half ago I left the father of my kids after 10 miserable years. I have been with my current partner for only 6 months but I love him more than I ever loved my ex. However, I'm having so many doubts and anxieties that I now feel like the only option is to split.

After my long term relationship ended I felt free for the first time. I started to understand who I am, made time for friends and hobbies that I had neglected, my shattered self esteem started to rebuild. I was happy, although did miss having a partner. My bf entered my life and it was overwhelming - the connection and love we share. He is a truly kind and beautiful person.

My problem is that I now have no time for those things that make me mentally healthy. We both have kids and every spare day we have is spent together (I'm talking one day a week). He wants us to build a future together, to introduce each other to our kids and I'm now starting to panic. I have a very low self esteem, I have so much work still to do on myself, my anxieties are starting to affect our relationship. I just don't have the time to fix myself! I'm also struggling a lot without any alone time as I'm v introverted.

Help! Is there any way I can make this work?

OP posts:
blue30 · 14/05/2021 19:37

I would say just slow down, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You could just say let’s enjoy what we’ve got for a year without putting too much pressure or expectation on the relationship. Then see where you are.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 14/05/2021 19:51

What? No, don't break up with someone you really like for that. That's completely daft and self - destructive! Just say you aren't ready to introduce him to your kids yet, and take a good hard look at your diary to build in some alone time. Could that be a few hours on your day off, before you meet up with him later?

Worakls · 14/05/2021 19:56

I could have written this post myself, very similar time frames with split from ex too. My only advice is, be honest with him. I too need alone time, not every week but quite often and I just tell him. Yes sometimes he struggles with it but he also loves and respects me and is understanding. Same with moving too fast. Just talk and talk some more. If he's lovely and you say he is, he will listen and understand and be supportive too x

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/05/2021 20:00

You can divide the time, the one day a week you have. Half a day doing your stuff, half seeing him?

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