Woman hitting mid thirties advice

[sammysnake]

People always said to me that the thirties are the best as you settle in to yourself... But I don't see that! I hate seeing photos of myself because I feel like I've turned into such a frump! When did that happen? I feel like I'm losing my looks and my career has pretty much stagnated since having kids and I feel so weary about it now. It's not what I grew up wanting to do (don't know what I really wanted!) as it's dull and corporate. Money and childcare means changing careers isn't an option at the moment anyway. I feel so stuck in a rut and I'm sure when I hit 40 I'll regret feeling this way now. Any advice for kicking myself up the proverbial? Anyone else feel like this in their 30s? I'm sure young kids and lack of sleep doesn't help but I feel like I've lost track of who I am!

I think having young kids is the key here - it's exhausting, it's a massive responsibility and if you work as well, you really end up feeling that you are taking a back seat as a person. Been there, done that.

That said you can do things to get a bit of yourself back. If you work and have a partner/husband, this is the time to make sure they are doing their fair share of all the domestic stuff. And that includes having the kids alone so that you can do things just for you. If you're feeling frumpy, it's time to get fit - I did C25K and felt so much better.
Depending on how old your DC are, some focused work on their sleep might be useful? Mine were good sleepers, but on those occasions when they were ill and did not sleep it was soul destroying beyond belief. If you've had that for a long time, some work on it might help.

Lastly the very young kids stage doesn't last. It honestly won't be long before they're bigger, more independent, more able to do stuff without your constant input. Also 40s are where it's at - grab them with both hands when they arrive.

Good luck, I'm rooting for you.

Agree with POINTYTHINGS. seriously I don't think this is a age thing as I could've wrote this in my 20s when my dcs were young. Its exhausting tirelessly draining. The children get older and you discover different ways of doing things. Work load still there although it's a little quieter. Don't think negative thoughts about yourself. Life is to short. Good luck op.

Not sure who told you '30s are the best'

At that time of life, we had 3 dc who were babies / toddlers / small children and exhausted from combining that (lack of sleep, just general looking after them at an age when they need EVERYTHING doing for them) with work and also study on top, whilst still being pretty broke so no options for treating selves to cleaners or too many babysitters or meals out or even a second car to make life easier (see lack of money).

Obviously depends on the age of your dc and lots of other factors, but for a lot of people 30s are one of the most tiring decades

40s are better and 50s are better again. My friends tell me 60s are better than 50s - who knows ?

There is no best age.
Whoever told you that is completely wrong.

There are pros and cons to each decade of life.

I was exhausted in my 30s with 2 kids under 5, and only 2 years apart.
In my 40s I juggled work- below my pay grade - so I could be the main carer to my kids as my partner travelled a lot.

In my 50s I retrained and found a new career. But at the same time there was the worry of my kids A-levels, getting to uni, finding jobs and somewhere to live.

But now, there is the added worry of ageing parents, some of my friends have died, and you realise life really is short.

Make the most of what you have as it happens and stop hankering after the 'perfect age' as it doesn't exist.

It’s having young children. I found my 30s stressful and angsty. My career stalled, I felt past it and lost my mojo in almost every area of my life.

In my 40s now, with teens, and I feel like a different person! My career is taking off again, I’ve discovered new hobbies now I have more time for myself and I’m the slimmest and fittest I’ve been in years.

Don’t panic. Keep expectations on yourself reasonable while your children are small. Try and get some time ‘off’ being a mum now we are coming out of lockdown and have some real fun.

Thank you all, it's made me feel a lot better knowing that it's not just me. I will look into the C25k. I thought my coat was fitting a little snugly the other day and had a shock when I weighed myself! I'm so busy just getting everything done during the day I'm on autopilot a lot of the time. My partner does help but we don't really get any time to ourselves at the moment, it's just a constant cycle of washing, school runs, work, etc. Hopeful that it will get better as they become more independent though. Thank you all

Hi OP, just coming on to say ditto. I could have written your post. I’m 38, I have a 2.5 yr old & a 6 yr old. I work part time in a local, corporate-type job that just about pays the bills but as far as job satisfaction goes, it’s zilch. Sometimes I catch sight of myself in the mirror & wonder who I am, how I got here, what happened to my mojo. I don’t feel I have any spark left.

So you’re not alone. I don’t know what the answer is I’m afraid but just try to see how much you’re doing, & don’t expect too much of yourself. Bringing little people into the world has got to be the hardest & most important job ever!

@AndromedaGal

Hi OP, just coming on to say ditto. I could have written your post. I’m 38, I have a 2.5 yr old & a 6 yr old. I work part time in a local, corporate-type job that just about pays the bills but as far as job satisfaction goes, it’s zilch. Sometimes I catch sight of myself in the mirror & wonder who I am, how I got here, what happened to my mojo. I don’t feel I have any spark left.

So you’re not alone. I don’t know what the answer is I’m afraid but just try to see how much you’re doing, & don’t expect too much of yourself. Bringing little people into the world has got to be the hardest & most important job ever!

hugs to you. I'm sure we'll get there 💪🏻

Honestly the years when you're working and they're little are so tough. You feel you have to stay in jobs you don't necessarily want because financial security is so important. It gets better when they're in school though. I was made redundant when mine were 4 and 6, got a decent payout (NHS), found another NHS job within 3 months so got to keep the money and that job was brilliant and gave me so much satisfaction. It's only got better since.

And a little secret - teenagers are not as bad as people like to tell you they are. They're really not.