Advice needed

[goldenegg123]

My husband of 10 years announced a few weeks ago he wanted a separation. We have three children together and a house with a joint mortgage.
He said that he would look for a place to move into ASAP and found a room in shared accommodation which he could afford. He isn't working at the moment and therefore has very little money.
A couple of days ago he said that he didn't want to move into the shared accommodation and had a small flat lined up in a months time. He asked if he could stay at the house until this time which I agreed to on the basis that he helped out more with the kids especially in the evenings as he tends to go to the pub at least 4 times a week and has money to spend at the pub but has given me nothing towards mortgage and bills so I am in financial difficulty myself now.
Since asking me if he could stay another month he has spent the last two nights in the pub. I work full time and as I have arrived home this evening he has gone out. I have lost my shit and text him to not bother coming back. He has however arrived back a few hours later having been drinking and we have had a big argument and he has told me he's not going anywhere as he is entitled to be in the house as well.
I'm not sure what I can do if anything. I can't live like this though with him just taking the mickey.

Are you paying for the mortgage alone? Can you afford to buy another if you sell and split the money?

Is he abusive at alL?

I wouldn't argue with him if he has been drinking.

He decided to leave. He's taking the piss. Get good advice.
If it were me I would change the locks next time he goes out drinking spending money you need for bills.

Yeah, I'd be booking a locksmith for a night you know he'll fuck off to the pub.

He has a right to live in the house as you're married and joint mortgage.

You need to start a divorce.

If you have grounds to exclude him from the house legally, then you need to get an order in place.

But up until you get the legal side sorted, he's right that he doesn't have to leave on your say so.

The OP is in an awful and depressing situation but changing the locks in my opinion is not the answer if her husband returns home worse for drink and finds he can not enter his own home. The potential consequences for that idea could be dire. Broken door/window/neighbours being alerted and possibly police involvement. He has a legal right to enter his own home (however much he deserves to be kicked to the touch) but to me he sounds like a rotten excuse for a husband and father so the OP needs to find a way to escape her very worrying and trapped life. I can identify with her situation and if she works full time then if at all possible she would be wise to take some leave from work to plan the way forward. Coming home from a day's work to a selfish and beligerent man who contributes nothing to the home or relationship is a life no one deserves.

@category12

He has a right to live in the house as you're married and joint mortgage.

You need to start a divorce.

If you have grounds to exclude him from the house legally, then you need to get an order in place.

But up until you get the legal side sorted, he's right that he doesn't have to leave on your say so.

Correct, and changing the locks to throw him out could give him ammunition to use against you in future so don't do this unless you are genuinely in fear of you or the kids physical safety. And if that is the case you need to see a solicitor asap or call the police if it's an emergency.

Where is he getting money for the pub? If he's not working it sounds like you are indirectly funding it. If you have a joint account get the bank to freeze it.

How can he afford to go to the pub four nights a week if he isn't working? If that money comes from you in any way that needs to stop. Put all your wages into a single account for you. How does he intend to pay for this flat he has lined up? Going by the usual theme he has an OW on the side, as these losers only leave for fresh blood it seems, when she's had enough of him and throws him out don't take him back! He won't admit to an OW, they never do but you deserve way better than him.

Absolutely do not change the locks. If you need to physically keep him out because he is dangerous to you then you need to get the police involved and a court order.

Unfortunately there is no quick answer.
I'm assuming you can't yourself afford to move out as you're still legally responsible for the mortgage (as is he but he's relying on you picking up his share by the sound of it).

So divorce is the obvious answer. If you can get mediation to work then that would be good. Sounds like he is drinking himself into a bad place and could do with counselling / GP referral if it's at all possible to talk to him.
It maybe that once the dust from this argument has settled down he would be open to more meaningful conversations. After all it's him that wanted the separation.
I'm wondering whether the (sudden?) escalation of tensions is because he had "someone else lined up" and that has fallen through.