Triggers because of the time of year...will it always be like this

[ALittleBitConfused1]

Triggers because of the time of year.

Long story short, I was in an abusive relationship, that effected me hugely and ended violently and traumatically and finally in a trial. Anniversary of that is coming up and yet again I'm feeling it. Night terrors, upset stomach, bad breathing, jumpy, weepy, you name it I just can't wash it off.
I've worked so hard on myself since it happened, both mentally and pysically. Ok so this year has been tough for everyone and maybe thats why everything feels heightened but i've recognised that and am seeking further therapy, my relationship and the way it ended left me with trauma issues but as a whole they're well managed and most of the time I'm happy with how I process stuff and move onwards, like I said I've come a long way.
It's just this time of year, the week leading up to the date of that night (well the last week as a whole was horrific, that final night was just the explosion of it), it always gets to me. And 4 years later it annoys me that the effects of it reoccurrs. Guess I just needed to write it down, get it out.

Yes, sounds to me that you are doing fine. Don't best yourself up for being emotional about such a traumatic event. If it were a bereavement or birth you wouldn't be surprised to recognise it and this sounds much more traumatic. It's bound to fade year by year, assuming you don't have to have contact, but just let us flow.
I'm glad you got out of it all. Go easy on yourself.

I'm so sorry for what you went through, it sounds absolutely awful. Well done you for getting out. Four years later, you're here.

Four years is nothing when it comes to trauma unfortunately. What you're experiencing is horrible, but totally normal.

I wonder if, since you can't escape the trigger (other than hibernating!), you could start a joyful, you-focused ritual that incorporates really good self-care this time every year. So, what I mean is, if you can pick up the basic "start date" of the anniversary, make sure you always book a week off work, or at least a good few days, and be really proactive about planning good happy things, as well as more reflective things. Maybe start your time off with a journalling session, a chat with a loved one who knows your experience (or a session with your therapist), and some kind of release ritual. Write an angry letter to your perpetrator and burn it. Light a candle and cry while it burns, and when it burns out, a deep sigh, open all the windows. Hitting a pillow with a tennis racket. All of the above! Then, once this processing is done, the rest of your time off is spent on nice things - a massage or facial, dinner with your friends, a movie, an at home spa day, lovely food and good rest. Whatever things bring you joy and contentment. Try and imagine what you'd do for a little child who said "this week is always really hard for me" - cherish them with all their favourite things.

I don't know if that appeals to you, but I hope it gives you some ideas. You deserve to reclaim your year, no matter the season/week, and one day it will be easier. By planning something, you'll be more prepared for your triggers and your brain might not feel so hijacked.

Do seek therapy, a lot of people have raved about EMDR for trauma as it's all about processing the memories without talking about them. But perhaps you're a talker and prefer to talk it out and get perspectives.

Keep going. You're way stronger than you know - you're just at the really difficult stage of the journey.

I refuse to do anniversaries that make me sad or angry. That came from a horrific NYE which ruined NYE and the weeks either side of it for me for a decade, and resulted in years of therapy, medication and depression.

Since then, I've worked on the basis that I don't have to commemorate anything - not my deceased relative's "birthday in heaven", not the date of someone's death, not my own awful experiences, nothing at all - unless it makes me happy.

It's just another day in your recuperation, it's not a day you or anyone else has to give weight to. Calendar watching made me ill. Now I don't do it at all. Maybe you can too? Keep going, concentrate on how you are coping, your treatment, your health, and do only good things that make you relaxed, happy or at least not sad in the run up to and cross through the key dates.

It's easier said than done I know.

Thanks guy's, lovely messages. I like the idea of doing nice things. In all honesty I think that's the way to go. I haven't booked time off of work because I'm still wfh so it helps to have something to keep me busy although I have got some time off soon, I'm 'redecorating, the last room to do, so it's been almost like a cleansing ritual. I'm still waiting for the therapy to come through. I Did 10 months of trauma therapy via a refuge at the time but was made aware I'd need 'booster sessions' throughout my life so it's definitely overdue and when my appointment comes through in about 5 weeks I'll mention EMDR, thank you. I try not to talk to my friends about it, I feel like they all think I should be over it by now and then that makes me feel worse. I think it's hard for people to understand the situation really.

That's the thing I don't try to remember it I actively try to ignore it but this year there's no denying it's impacting me. I try not to think about it but that doesn't work for me, I've learned that while I can brush things away unless I face my feelings head on they get me in other ways. Physical symptoms, anxiety attacks and hit me while I'm asleep, dreams/sleep walking etc.

So the ritual idea sounds like it may work. If I can't forget the date maybe acknowledge it, treat it as a celebration. I mean after all it was horrific but it was the end of that me and the start of a new, stronger, happier (eventually) me.

Thank you all again.