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Relationships

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Original poster

DH deleted female friend contact details

49 replies

Sunshade78 · 13/05/2021 19:36

Would anyone have any ideas what this is about?
Basically, I think I managed to stop DH having an EA with a female friend of his by talking to him about my concerns regarding their messaging although I felt it took a while for them to stop messaging.
It took about 6 months I think for the messaging to stop.
I know that he never deleted her contact details from his phone but then I never demanded that he should delete her as a contact.
Months later, I noticed by chance that her contact details weren't where they used to be in his contacts list.
He has other guy friends who he keeps in his contacts list when he hasn't spoken to them for a while.
Why would he randomly delete her after a year?

OP posts:

LuckyMcDucky · 13/05/2021 22:16

I don't think your lol face is especially helpful tbh Lucy. Op is suspicious because her DH had a borderline EA with this woman and has asked what it could possibly mean that he's suddenly deleted her. People are simply answering her question. Some aren't answering her question and are just being dismissive, which I don't think is great tbh.

tigertreats · 13/05/2021 22:32

My bet would be he thought you were wrong and there was nothing too it and the the OW has said something overly flirty and he's realised you're right. Being a man rather than admit you're right or communicate he's just deleted her !

lucy5236 · 13/05/2021 22:43

@LuckyMcDucky

Youre right, sorry. I shouldn't have put the emoji, it was more aimed at me commenting on how cynical I can be myself.

I guess this was one situation where I felt like he'd done the right thing and the OP was being filled with horror stories that would only result in her becoming even more suspicious.

The OP didn't give much details on the EA other than her DH was texting a female. It could be that's the full extent of the relationship and of so it couldve been completely OP didn't like it, told him to stop texting and labelled it as an EA.
Or it could have been a full blown EA where he was in love with the 'OW' - i guess it depends the extent of their EA whether I'd still have concerns at this point or not. Just seems to be the default on here at times

dollypartonshirspray · 14/05/2021 01:42

If he has signal, he doesn't need to have her in his phone contacts.

LuckyMcDucky · 14/05/2021 08:12

You're right Lucy. It does seem to be the default on here! But I think that's because people have been blind sided by cheating and remember, looking back, that the signs were there, just so hard to believe someone you love would do that. So, I think people do post to get the cynical hive mind views. It could easily be absolutely nothing to worry about, definitely, but there are a few possibilities. If there had never been a friendship veering towards EA before, I'd probably not go snooping, but op is clearly suspicious and I can understand why, although that really isn't to say anything is definitely afoot.

BelleBlueBell · 14/05/2021 08:19

We can all speculate and post every possible reason from innocent to full blown affair hiding but unless you have a conversation with him how is that helping you?

You don't need anyone else to type out the possibility for you, you know them all and you are suspicious for good reason

Either discuss it or let it eat away at your relationship

Amazingbricks · 14/05/2021 22:29

I don’t think a lot of men would think about deleting contacts or going through contacts unless they were told to. If you’ve searched the number and it isn’t there maybe he spotted the name and decided to delete it as he doesn’t speak to her anymore

Original poster

Sunshade78 · 15/05/2021 09:51

@LuckyMcDucky thanks for taking time to be kind.
@Amazingbricks your reply got me thinking and I thought about what might have caused him to spot the name as he has other old contacts still on his phone that he never speaks to. So it wasn't like he had a session of tidying up his phone contacts or anything.
A major event happened recently and I wonder if she might have texted him about it. He might have thought it too much hassle to risk restarting contact with her or he might have thought it would upset me if I found out he was talking to her again. So perhaps he just deleted her. I hope that's what happened anyway.

OP posts:

IND1A · 15/05/2021 10:43

He has a burner phone which he uses to contact her instead.

He uses an app to contact her instead.

She has a new number ( possible burner phone for her ) and she’s listed in his contacts under that number as Bob.

Baws · 15/05/2021 10:50

Or he suspects that you’re snooping so has now memorised her number so doesn’t need it saved in his phone?

wanadu2022 · 15/05/2021 10:50

I don't think he's saved her under another name or using another app, as he was openly contacting her for 6 months after you found out, and you knew about it. So wouldn't make sense to suddenly delete it when it's been there all this while and you hadn't asked him to delete it.

It's more likely that they've had some sort of falling out over his lack of contact (maybe she started getting demanding or stroppy), or he's realised it's just not worth losing his marriage over - and has just deleted it. Well, I'd optimistically like to think so!!

Just ask him though and see what he says. You do have a right to know as it was an EA and so impacts your life too.

OurChristmasMiracle · 15/05/2021 10:54

How often do you even check his phone to know it’s sudden? Maybe he thought it was time to delete the number because he won’t ever use it again? Unlike his male friends who he might message at some point.

Original poster

Sunshade78 · 15/05/2021 11:19

The number was definately in his phone 5 months ago and it was only the other day I noticed it wasn't there.
I am wavering between him finally deleting it because there hasn't been any contact, deleting it because she has contacted him and he doesn't want the hassle or upset, or there being a whole new regime like burner phones.
He has been a hell of a lot nicer to me these past 6 months, like the person he was before we had DC but not sure what that means really.

OP posts:

SwimBaby · 15/05/2021 13:58

He could be nicer because he isn’t messaging her and has more energy to put into your relationship or because he is messaging her and feels guilty so is being extra nice with you.

Deathgrip · 15/05/2021 14:00

@Sunshade78

I searched the number and it's not there. Not under a new contact name. They had been friends for years before.

She may have a new number?

ItsNotLoveActually · 15/05/2021 14:17

Taking into account your second post - I'd say trust your gut - things are back to normal and good. Don't get hung up about why her number has gone, be relieved that it has. What more can you ask.

Sacredspace · 15/05/2021 14:35

Is it possible that he has memorised her number or alternatively has it written down somewhere? And deletes his messages?

MyOctopusFeature · 15/05/2021 14:53

@Sunshade78

I would go with he deleted it out of respect for me but then why would it take him so long after voicing my concerns to do that, is what I'm confused about.

Because there are no hard and fast rules about anything. It takes different people different time to deal with things. You are over thinking.

Amazingbricks · 15/05/2021 16:30

Have you checked WhatsApp? I think you can save contacts to WhatsApp that aren’t on your normal phone contact list? Have you checked for other chat apps on his phone?

Original poster

Sunshade78 · 15/05/2021 18:09

No, I haven't checked WhatsApp but will do. Thanks. It's very unlikely he has chat apps as he's not techy.

OP posts:

CombatBarbie · 15/05/2021 18:46

If your suspecting another platform just look at his battery usage.

The fact you say his behaviour has changed back from before is a good sign though, maybe he has just deleted her. Fingers crossed 🤞

ilikemethewayiam · 15/05/2021 19:11

@LuckyMcDucky

Does he have another phone maybe?

It sucks that you have to snoop though and I honestly don't blame you.

This was my first thought as Its exactly what my ex did. Told me he would not message her and delete her number for my peace of mind. I thought he really cared and respected me to do that. he actually bought a burner phone and went on to have a full blown affair with her.

Original poster

Sunshade78 · 18/05/2021 09:08

He's blocked her as a WhatsApp contact.

OP posts:

SwimBaby · 18/05/2021 09:11

It sounds like he’s deleted her from his life and moved on.

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