What is this ‘relationship’?

[Mylifestartstoday]

Met online 14 months ago. See each other once a week. Message throughout the week, very few phone conversations, but lots of messages. 50/50 who messages first.
He feels the same as he did last summer, I don’t. No introduction to friends or family. He is happy the way things are.

I believe that after 14 months you would know whether this had legs, which leads me to think I’m not that important to him. I’ve ended it but wonder whether I’ve done the right thing. I think he has commitment issues from a past relationship. We get on amazingly well. I’m happy with once a week too, I just don’t know if I’m wasting my life.

@Pancakemixx. he too always talks about his ex, and his hatred of her. Always slagging her parenting off, yet I see very little in the way of him stepping up. All his child’s behaviour problems are down to his ex.....not down to him at all.
As an example....child is poorly (young teen). She has to be left home because mum works. She just had period pains. He doesn’t think she should be left alone.....yet he ‘can’t just take the day off work’ yet expected his ex to.
I’d go so far as to say he dislikes women generally.....maybe he was too busy to see me because he’s on a roof dressed at superman 😆

Oh well in that case op you did the right thing. Not giving you notice/cancelling short notice shows that he just didn't consider your time as being on the same scale of importance as his.

The single dad thing would piss me off too, sounds like by banging on about it he's trying to convince him self he's doing enough.

I would run a mile from any man who told me I was crazy, be very wary of men like that. I bet his ex was crazy too ha ha.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape, don't let his bull shit tie you in knots. If it helps look at it in black and white terms, no matter what he says. It wasn't working for you end of. Miss him then move on.

Mine will talk about his ex for various reasons. Memories. why he doesn't like her. Why he's glad she's still his friend. I've realised that women are so important to him for validation but as soon as they want something he can't give they become stalkers or whatever.
I'm a strong woman as a whole and his nonsense didn't wash with me for long once he started showing who he was. But he's got ladies who are still letting him in their lives years later.

I understand how upset you are. How confused you are. They turn mean when it's not going their way. It's never their fault. They never own up. They tell the next mug how crazy you were. The cycle will just keep repeating. Stay strong. It's easy to remember the good times. But they probably were false.

In the end I realised I was only special to him when he wanted phone sex. He actually stopped all the nice stuff I the last couple of months. I regret the time I've wasted but I'm relieved. I hope someone nice comes into my life one day. After being emotionally abused I know it can't get any worse. I'll spot it a mile off x

Funnily enough his ex was/is crazy. She’s also a rubbish mum. He’s just an amazing dad who is having his life turned upside down by ‘all the women in his life’.
😳

@Pancakemixx. He only called towards the end when he wanted phone sex. Any other time and it was just WhatsApp. He too also liked to talk about his main ex, but also liked to talk about women who were now friends but who he had a thing with, as though he thought that made him a good person 🤷‍♀️

I have a feeling he was a bit of a narc, I seem to be attracted to them which is a me problem that I need to address.

Yep. Typical of these men! I hope I can meet someone new soon and experience something normal. Being caught up in the world of these men is so draining and confusing. It really got me down. It shouldn't be like that. Never knowing when they will give you what you want.

You know those evenings with you that he didn't want to plan? They were planned his end, I think, he was playing with you. How long can I leave it, how "last minute" can I make it, how much can I mess her around?...and she'll still give me sex! This is why he seemed to be getting a kick out of it, I think. You're well rid OP.

He feels the same as he did last summer, I don’t.

You have done the right thing to end it.

@AmberIsACertainty I think you’re right. I think he was playing me all along, seeing how controlled I could be. As soon as I said it wasn’t working for me, he twisted things around so it was my fault. I’m sure he’ll tell his next one that his previous (me) was crazy and a stalker. I recall him telling me a previous girlfriend was the same. 🤷‍♀️
I’ve been played, makes you feel rubbish, especially as I miss our messages. What a saddo I am.

You are not a saddo. I will never trust people again like I used to. I always thought it would be obvious and I would be smart enough to see it and leave. Sadly abusive men come in all shapes and forms. They are clever at what they do. They really are. But look at it like this.

He lost you.
He couldn't afford you.
He doesn't impress you.
He was boring you.
He wasn't smart enough in the end.
You NEED someone who can provide you with what you deserve. Honesty, love, support, good conversations, laughter, goals and all the rest. Someone who wants to spend Sundays with you just as much as Wednesday nights.
You deserve someone not sour about his past and getting you down.
You deserve someone who makes you feel butterflies.

I was never given the facts to make my choice with. So I ended up in a situation I would never have wanted to be in. But that was not my fault.

He will continue to live a lie. He will screw up every woman that he sucks in. Because it isn't you. It isn't me. It was them. They can lie to people. But those people will figure it out themselves. Because they will. Because these men can only stay on their best behaviour for a while.

He lost you. Not the other way. Own that and keep strong.

I know it's abit bonkers but I try and focus on what I want in an ideal man. It keeps me focused. It's not obviously that serious and they don't exsist yet in my life. But id like someone early 40s. Maybe a tradesman (fantasy lol) but kind. In a similar boat to me (I have children but have no drama with their dad) I have no drama in general. I would love someone to go for days at the beach with or dog walks. Someone to enjoy wine and a film with. Someone who long term wants to just be a team and have a nice little house and a little garden. In between all this someone who I just love talking with and I'm passionate with.

It might sounds boring or silly. But my ex is none of those things. He had no goals. Didn't treat me well. Didn't tell the truth. Lives a dishonest life.

Sorry this is random. Try and think what you really want from someone and keep remembering he wasn't good to you.

Also I was told told to write a list of why I liked him to start with and what I don't like about him now.

So at first he was

Funny
Kind
Interested.
Gave me compliments.
Had similar dreams for the future.
Seemed loyal in past relationships.
A grafter.
Maturer and older.
Independent.

In the end
He had a bad back.
Ex drinker.
A string of short term women.
A damaged ex clinging to him.
No money
No goals.
Never went out.
Was boring and always sleeping.
Liar
Abusive and selfish.