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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mentally unstable mother

5 replies

fushia60 · 13/05/2021 13:46

How do I get my mother help? It's so hard to talk about this because people would think WTF. I don't want to drip feed so I'll cover as much as I can.
My mother has always been a compulsive liar. Fake illness diagnosis', like cancer and how its inoperable and will die but its not true. During school years I pulled out to support her because who would lie about this? She was happy enough to see me throw my education down the drain to feed her delusions. She would never let me go to appts to support her. Me and siblings believed her for years, then eventually we found out when our dad got taken ill and she became his carer, an assessor asked her about her health and she said it was great no underlying heath conditions that would impact her as a caregiver. We asked her things after she was deemed fit to be a carer but she maintained she still had it, she would shave her hair.
As children we knew not to question her as she would get angry or not provide things we needed or hide items from us.
She has lied about so much, big things that can get people in trouble if they were true. Almost everyone she knows is a drug user which also isn't true. She's accused me behind my back of doing drugs in the toilet found out when sibling has told me which is also not true. I no longer live there so have very minimal contact. She won't give me her number I've gave her mine on a paper and find out the dog ate it or it got wet and had to be thrown. Just to see my brothers I have to have an excuse otherwise she will say no. I feel helpless and so bad for my siblings

OP posts:
namechange1032 · 13/05/2021 15:06

Sounds like Munchausen syndrome. You can read more about it here:
www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/munchausens-syndrome/overview/

There's little you can do bar looking after yourself and not expecting her to change. She may have a personality disorder alongside it but either/or it doesn't sound as though she'll get help. I suggest you distance yourself from her in order to protect yourself, perhaps get some therapy to deal with what she's put you through.

RealMermaid · 13/05/2021 15:46

You say you no longer live there but your siblings do - are they still children? If so you should consider reporting to social services.

fushia60 · 13/05/2021 15:54

They are adults. They stay to support our dad. But even as adults if they question her about anything even little things she will avoid talking to them and will hide items

OP posts:
fushia60 · 13/05/2021 15:55

Yes actually munchausen sounds right

OP posts:
AmberIsACertainty · 13/05/2021 21:04

The only thing you can do is tell her GP, who won't be able to discuss her with you but can listen. It's probably pointless though because if she doesn't want help nobody can make her get it.

All the children are now adults so can focus on looking after themselves, move out, getting therapy to undo the harm she's caused etc.

Don't blame your mum for not seeing your siblings, it's on them if they want to find a way to meet or be in contact with you.

Give up on your relationship with your mum, you've escaped her clutches and so she's no longer interested in you. She only wants the ones she can control. She's not your responsibility, she's responsible for herself. You can't fix her problems for her, however much you want to.

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