Hi all.
I’m a regular poster and have NC, although I guess this could be outing enough that if the person in question read this, they’d know it’s about them? Which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.
I had a childhood friend, let’s call her Emily. We were very close, sisters almost. I had a troublesome and unstable childhood and she was a constant throughout. Over the years we’d reach points in our friendship where contact was low and we made friends in other friendships groups but even through going to different schools at points, university and moving away we always stayed friends and always found each other as two people that knew each other the best. She was maid of honour at my wedding and she was the best maid of honour you could ask for, even when it was difficult. At that point in our relationship, I’d never felt closer to her.
She moved away again after the wedding and I got on with married life. We were in regular contact by phone and SM. The first year of married life was really tough for us. There was a lot of family drama. I lost a pregnancy and towards the end of that period I lost one of my parents too. I realised by the time I lost my parent that I hadn’t heard from Emily since I lost the baby and even that was a very short phone call. After the loss of my parent I was in a complete grief spiral. I found it so difficult to tell anyone what had happened, I just couldn’t find the words and later on I felt really guilty about not going out of my way to contact Emily and let her know although she could have easily found out. We were (are) still on each other’s social media and I know my sister contacted every contact with my parent by message to say what had happened. I never heard anything though and I still haven’t to this day 10 years later. When I had my first child 8 years ago, there was a comment from Emily underneath a picture saying congratulations but nothing else.
I still think of her all the time. I still miss her. I still feel like there’s an area of my life that isn’t complete - unfinished. I even dream about her. I do feel as if she ghosted me but I can’t shake the feeling that it was me that did that did the wrong. I always thought she’d be the most wonderful auntie to my children and I mourn that. Sometimes I think of things from the past that only she could answer. I know she’s still in touch with other friends from childhood, it’s just me.
Anyway I have means of contacting her. She never removed me from social media. My question is should I go there and contact her? I’m actually quite afraid but I also don’t want to leave this open for the rest of my life, always wondering and feeling sad.
So I guess this is a what would you do question. Would you try and make contact?