Married, pregnant, but still thinking about my ex

[Hopelessromancex]

I met my ex when I was in high school. It was like a fairy tale story. We were both in line I turned around, bumped into each other and hit it off right away. For 2 years we were “only” friends. But there was always that chemistry, that force pulling us together and we used to always flirt with each other. Finally he told me he didn’t just want to be my friend any more and he wanted us to be serious. I was very immature at the time and didn’t really take him serious and keep flirting with other people, so he started doing the same (even tho I really did like/love him?) I then cheated on him…. I don’t think he ever found out. But later on he cheated on me as well. We ended things. I was heart broken and we didn’t talk all summer. After a few months we talked again, on and off. He was talking to other girls, I was talking to other guys but every time we would see each other, we just couldn’t help it and we were all over each other. He was the guy first guy I have ever love. I had so much love for him. The spark was still there and there was just no denying it. but it had just been so toxic we didn’t want to hurt each other again. 2 years past and we are the same, on and off so finally last year I reached out to him, we talked and we’re supposed to meet each other but it never happened. He just flaked out. Then 1 month later I met my now husband. I fell deeply in love with him. I moved across the sea to be with him and I’m happily with him, I’m now pregnant and he’s the absolute best. But I still can’t stop thinking about my ex. I still love him…. Or at least think I do? I have dreams with him everyday. Telling him I love him and that I’ll never stop. I think about him 25/8 and I can’t help myself. I feel so guilty!! I’m married and have a baby on the way! But I still can’t help myself but wish I was with my ex…. Or saw him one last time to just know if we are meant to be or not. Should I reach out to him or just let my feeling die or hope they do? I love my husband, I do. But I think my feelings for my ex are stronger. What should I do? Should I contact my ex? Get some closure?.

Definitely dont contact the ex!

I wonder of its a bit of nostalgia making you feel this way as you are starting a new chapter in your life? After all it didnt work out with the ex did it?

You say you love your ex but to be honest, your relationship with him sounds awful. I'd you couldn't make it work then, why would it be any different now?
You know he's bad for you so cut him off completely. Imagine how you would feel if your current husband admitted he was pining for his ex? You risk losing everything for a dream about someone who didn't treat you very well at all. Perhaps counselling would help to get the closure you need because contacting him will definitely not end well.

That relationship sounds awful! Are you sure that you love him or the idea of what it was supposed to be.

Flirting with other people and then both of you cheating doesn’t sound like real love, more infatuation.

That kind of ridiculous drama can be addictive in a way, there's so much emotion and adrenaline around it. I'm assuming you've written it to sound as appealing as possible but I'm afraid to the outside ear it just sounds awful

I do get it. I had an entanglement that ended in November 2019 with a few months of messaging afterwards. I still think about that guy every day even though it was a dumb affair that didn't work in any way. Luckily I wrote about it while it happened and I can see that I was completely toxically miserable, cried over him, was addicted to the messaging app. I'm with someone now and very happy. Still having that person in your head is not meaningful, it's more like a scar or a tattoo, something you just have to live with.