Advice needed

[Terminallysleepdeprived]

Dp and I have been together for coming up 2.5 years. We don't live together and lockdown was very hard on us, he lives in another city so we couldn't see each other til the support bubbles rule came in.

Ever since we have been allowed to see each other he has been distant, our sex life has gone from great to non existent. He never instigates and pushes me away if I try to instigate. He tells me he loves me, when I have questioned him he tells me it's fine, he is just tired but I can't shake the feeling there is something more to it.

When we first got together texts, calls etc would go on all night, x rated etc but now I am lucky to get a goodnight from him.

I have an anxiety disorder so I don't completely trust my reading of the situation.

How would you handle it? Should I ignore or do I confront him.

How often do you see each other? Do you feel that not seeing each other during lockdown has affected him? Do you call, text each other regularly?
My advice would either be to ask him outright and be prepared to hear something you don’t want to hear or gradually ‘withdraw’ to see if it makes a difference.
Hope you’re ok.

@Cherrytree71 usually every weekend. I tried to do calls etc but he found it really hard. It seemed to make everything worse as it just served to remind him what he was missing. He was resentful, I was forced to remain in the office so saw people daily, he was made to wfh and saw no one from the day we locked down til the May release about support bubbles.
.inhabe tried to confront him, he just tells me I me I being silly, he loves and fancies me but is tired and fed up with work.

There is just a huge partner me that doubts that and is panicking that he just wants out.

How far away are you from each other? Is there opportunity to progress the relationship and see each other more frequently? Now that restrictions are easing could you do something out of routine, like a weekend away? It’s possible that wfh has got to him, does he have a support network?
If it’s any consolation, I only see my partner at weekends as we are in a long distance relationship of 2.5 hours. There have been lots of periods where it has been very difficult.

He is able to work out of the office again now, but that is a 4 hour drive from me so at the moment it's just not practical.

I do think lockdown and being so isolated has had a hugely negative impact on his mental health. He has jo one, his dad buggered off when he was 5 , his mum died over a decade ago.

My dd and I are literally all he has. Lockdown made him realise how dependent he had become on us being in his life and he hated it. He has withdrawn since.

It's stupid things like refusing to dance with me at a wedding, not telling me I look nice etc.

Sorry my previous message should have read that my partner and I are 4.5 hours away not 2.5 🙄
Could he relocate his work closer to you? More importantly, would you want him to?
Do you know if he envisages a future together? Maybe time to ask that question as for me, if he didn't, I wouldn't be wasting my time, painful as it was.

Unfortunately he can't til this project ends.

We have talked and the long term is that he will rent his house out and move here. But when I try and push for a timeliness he backs off more.

He is terrified of loss. His fiancee and their baby were killed in a car accident, his dad left, his brother left and his mum died. He has massive hang ups around commitment I think.

I have tried to be understanding but I am in my 40's and I want/need more from him. I don't want to issue an ultimatum as I strongly suspect i will lose.

Sounds like he's maybe struggling a bit with his mental health? If he's already experienced loss he may be worried about giving up what he has to move away? Especially if he's comfortable.