Ever felt like this?

[Paradoxicaldichotomy]

I am in love with him but I just feel like disappearing. As far as he is concerned, we are in a relationship. As far as I am concerned, I want to be with him, but I find him unpredictable and inconsistent. I can’t bank on his responses and demonstrated love to me being the same every day. I cannot bear the roulette of not knowing how he will respond to me from day to day. Sometimes, when he is busy with work and pre-occupied, he is cold and it completely floors me. Other times, he is very warm and loving.

Have you ever been in a situation where / rather than breaking up with the person you are in love witH or experiencing all the consequences and reactions of making a move like that (eg talking it through, having counselling) - you just wished they disappeared and stopped hurting you?

Having him alive in the world and not knowing what version of him I am going to get, is somehow worse than just never ever speaking to him again and not having to suffer the anxiety of not knowing how he will respond to me day to day.

Can anyone relate?

Sounds like this isn't working for you. You need to either talk to him about how it makes you feel or end it

Poor you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells? Been there, earned the T Shirt and survived leaving. DO NOT have a relationship with someone who stresses you out, it will end in tears, YOUR tears.

You also sound like you are far too dependent on him. A man should add to your happiness, he shouldn't be your happiness. I would take a step back and invest in other things, hobbies, friends, activities and try and put him in a healthier place in your life (I.e not the very centre)

Also what you said is your interpretation of events rather than how he feels. He may appear distant but in actual fact he's working, or investing time in something else.

It's not sustainable, is it?

You can semi manage it my love. You can engineer to collect stuff and drop his stuff, and then break up with him on the phone and then never see him again.

If seeing him and not knowing his mood is worse than ending it, then end it. Soon xxx

Stop torturing yourself with this nonsense. It is not supposed to be this hard, and no one treats someone they love they way he treats you. He has no respect for you. Dump him and move on.