Need some advice

[sproutsmum]

A relative has just been left by her husband of over 40 years, he left her and moved in with someone new that day and asked her for a divorce the following morning.
She's obviously very confused and hurt and hadn't seen it coming.
It's now apparent that the affair (at least emotional ) had been ongoing for sometime.
She's now discovered that the passwords to the joint account have been changed , bank statements and financial paperwork have been taken and the laptop as well . I'm not sure what information or accounts were set up on that.
If anybody can help , I'd greatly appreciate some advice.
What should she do now ? She's very anxious and was blindsided by all of this.
I want to help her but I went through my divorce over 20 years ago so I don't want to give her incorrect information and risk making things harder.

Needs to see a solicitor ASAP.

She's found a solicitor ( a friend recommended one this morning) so she is booking an appointment ASAP.
She's worried that she doesn't know the right questions to ask the solicitor or that she might miss something important.
She's definitely feeling overwhelmed by it all.

The solicitor will guide her through the process, they’re very experienced with this sort of thing. If she has any records at all of bank accounts, pensions, investments, husbands employment and salary etc she should take it. Even just noting down a list of what she knows they have and any accounts they hold jointly with what bank/building society. If the accounts are in joint names she could maybe visit the branch and attempt to obtain statements by providing identification? Also what property they own and if it’s in sole/joint names. They’ll ask about any children that need to be provided for and likely ask the reason for the breakdown in the relationship which will guide how the divorce process happens, if divorce is what she decides she wants. Again the solicitor will talk her through all that.
My best tip, take a pen and a notepad and try to not let your emotions take over. She can always phone/email her solicitor after their initial meeting if she has further questions.

Thank you so much , I'll go over this with her in the morning point by point. I'll see if she can work out what documents have gone. The account is joint so I'll encourage her to go in and speak to the bank ASAP.
She's not on mumsnet herself but I know she'll be very grateful for the information ( we'd spoken about me posting this for her before I went ahead).
Thanks again for your help finding a place to start sorting through this , I really appreciate it .

Jesus.. poor woman, thank goodness she has you and people like you OP.

I hope she gets good advice and support from this Lawyer. 🌸

Thank you , It's been horrible to watch it unfolding and she does have friends who are checking in on her regularly and just giving her that hand to hold. We've been making sure she's managing to eat a little bit and getting a bit of sleep where she can.
I'm aware that this is just the beginning of the process though and want to be able to help her get through it as smoothly as possible. After nearly five decades with him she feels like it's not the person she knew , she says he's very cold and like speaking to a different person.
Sadly relationships can and do break down but he's behaving in a way that I would not have expected from him.

She needs to go to the bank and ask them to freeze the joint accounts . They did this immediately for me .

Mrsmaizel , the bank is top of the list today. It's good to hear that they might be able to help her.

HSBC froze joint accounts and said we should immediately have separate accounts . My H was living with relatives at the time (It transpired) but unwilling to disclose where he was. We transferred jointly equal sums into individual ones .

He's obviously been planning this for some time, so he will be several steps ahead of her.

He will no doubt have been moving financial stuff around, hiding assets and paperwork.

Your friend needs to secure her position immediately and contact all banks, mortgage company, insurances and pensions providers and land registry to get a picture of where she stands.

I've just been speaking to her , there's some great advice here thank you all so much . It's really helpful , I'm going to send her the link to this thread so she can have a read down it and tick things off as she goes.
She's got a solicitors appointment and is now on with the bank but informing other companies like mortgage and insurance is great advice.

Tell her to read Runaway Husbands book by Vikki Stark. There is a website but get the book . It will really help.

Thank you , will do x

good stuff OP .. keep her focused and active 🌸