DH told me to get a scooter while he has luxury car

[Rocketearth]

I’m already aware that DH has elements of financial abuse, and I’m looking for a job.

Been a SAHM for 5 years and don’t have a drivers license as I lived in zone 2 of London most of my life and never felt the need. When I became pregnant we bought a house outside of London but public transport connections are terrible - all services hourly only so I have found it very hard with a baby and now young child.

DH earns a 6-figure salary and drives a year- old luxury car. I have had plantar fasciitis in one foot for four years now and the walking everywhere with occasional bus/train ensures I am in pain most days (treatment not helping much).

Yesterday DH said I should consider getting myself an electric scooter to get around. I was horrified and furious - I’m nearly 50, and I don’t think they are even fully legal yet. He originally said he’d buy me a car and pay for lessons but now he’s decided he won’t.

Am I wrong to be so angry and upset? Even if I get a job soon it will be at least a couple of years before I can save enough for lessons and buy a cheap car. Also, getting a job is seriously restricted because public transport is so poor around here.

@PerveenMistry

Why do you keep having kids with a man who cares little for you??

Found one!

Why are you altering the course of the discussion to place blame on the OP?

Am I wrong to be so angry and upset?

No your not but being angry and upset doesn’t change anything if you don’t use it as a catalyst to change your situation. This is who he is.

He doesn't get to decide whether you have driving lessons and a car! He wants you trapped that's what it is.

Don't stay with him.

@PerveenMistry

Why do you keep having kids with a man who cares little for you??

She has one child.

As PPs said, see about a divorce. You'll be much better off in every way.

You are trapped, OP, by an abusive man, and by your work and transport limitations.

Divorce would enable you to move to somewhere with good public transport and access to jobs.

Gather evidence on the quiet. Put together a little fund in your name only. Does he look at shopping receipts? £10 a week cash back, invested once a month in Premium Bonds in an online account. You will have a little fund, and might get rich.

See a solicitor without telling him.

Divorce, as a SAHP with a young child you will get at least 60% of the house, pension, assets etc Things like his luxury car will go into the pot and half will be yours. Get a little 2 bed for you and DC and use the money to train and start a new career that you enjoy and you can keep doing as you get older, something in local government, university or civil service with a good pension maybe. You'll get extra financial support as a fulltime student too. Learn to drive and buy your own car. This man has nothing but contempt for you, about time he got a taste of his own medicine. No need to live your life like this.

I think you need to leave him, but I came on to say that you can sort plantar fasciitis out using St. John’s wort oil rubbed into the sole of your foot at night. You can get it on line, or from Neals yard, bloody miracle stuff.

Best of luck x

You need a solicitor pronto. Don't wait until you get a job.

Depending on what level of support you can get + benefits, you may be able to move to an area with better transport.

OP It's not a scooter you need, it's your life back, and your self esteem and your dignity and a divorce