I'll try and keep it light and to the point. Something that's been playing on my mind on and off since a very strange incident in 1997 although the first 10 years I didn't think too much about it but it's has started to come mind more over the last 18 months; I just want to get it down in writing, get it off my chest as this is not something I have talked about with anyone - not that I can't talk about - I just think it sounds so weird and I wonder what people will think of me if I tell what happend.
I was at work and I got a phone call from my best mate of about 5 years - that's very odd - he's never rang me at work before. He apologised and said it was important and I was fine - sure - anything for a precious friend - I was worried for him. He said his wife had got it in her head that - I don't know quite how to put his - that we were meant to be together - apparently she had strong feelings for me and thought it was reciprocated. Honest to God - I have no idea where this idea came from - it's shocking isn't it? I've never, since or before - heard of anything like this - we had never had any kind of conversation about anything like this - we had only met when I or me and my wife met them at either our house or theirs or when we went out for walks with our very young kids - the link between us all we between me and my friend - our wives didn't know each other to begin with but were friendly and we all got on - everything was nice - it was good. Anyway - back to the phone call - my friend - I could hear his voice trembling - it was heartbreaking when he asked me what I wanted to do about it - I was so taken aback - I told him I had never had any thoughts whatsoever about anything like that - I was (still am) married to the girl I started going out with when we were both 12 - we are 59 now - we are good and will see each other through to the end of our lives. He said I needed to speak her to tell her myself and they he put her on the phone and I had to tel her that they were really important friends that we liked - lovely people, great couple but I told her I had never thought about her in any other way other than the a friend - she was slightly hard to convince - she asked me if I was sure that there was a possible life together for us - I was absolutely calm and clear in saying no. After a brief silence my friend said - look this is an awkward situation - he said he didn't think it would be possible to remain friends - and I understood that. he asked me not to get in touch with them - I totally understood that and had no problem in agreeing to it - he apologised and I said I was really sorry it had happened too. I came home and told my wife - she was equally gobsmacked.
We're 23 years down the line now and I kept my word to my friend. I have obviously had a lot to wonder about - what happened after he put the phone down. I didn't even know if they were still together - FB opened on 2004 and I didn't have an account until 2008. On my profile I have always had a message to my friend telling him I would like to be in contact - I found his profile easily enough but I've never messaged him and don't plan to. He has his privacy settings set so I can't see much but via their kids I was recently able to see that they still seem to be married which I am relieved about - actually I'd say I'm genuinely happy about that but I would never contact her either.
I feel for my friend because of what happened - God knows how they have worked their way though it - hopefully they were able to reconcile it the way I have (in part!) - I can't even speculate on what was going on with them - I've no idea - I think they are brilliantly suited to each other. I put it down to some stupid infatuation - being young and immature perhaps - not so worldly in terms of relationships perhaps - I'm prepared to write it off as that - my friend is the obvious innocent victim in all of this but I fell hard done to - I lost a good friend - he was the funniest guy I ever knew - charming, a good looking guy, quirky, likeable and he's always had a good job - such a lovely guy I'm sure he's been a brilliant totally involved father - I missed out on knowing him. I have mixed feelings about her - sad, sometimes a little angry about putting him through this. Perhaps my feelings are easy to over look - guilty that any of this came to the surface, angry and confused that I didn't have a clue this was coming - not one iota - I feel stupid I didn't pick up on something. The most long lasting effect for me is that I am a bit more stand-off-ish and being honest, a bit more mistrustful of women in general - I wonder if the way i am is partly to blame because in my unusually long term relationship - frankly I don't have much relationship experience - a hell of a lot with one person - I perhaps know a bit more about what it takes to keep a relationship going (at best it only a "perhaps"!). I never had to go out and meet women and win them over and I never had to worry about being in a relationship so in some ways I'm pretty comfortable around women - I don't have an agenda, hidden intentions, I don't have anything to prove... I don't know - really I don't know what to make of it. Lately it hacks me off that I had to suck it up. 99% of the time I don't think about it - now and again I miss my friend and may even feel a bit bitter about missing out, angry at her (a little bit just for her stupid immaturity of that's what it was). 99.9% of the time I have no intention of contacting either of them - her definitely not her just out of respect for my friend - occasionally I just wish they knew my side of things. I don't know their side of things either but i wouldn't want to drag up the past for them either - it would - I imagine be awkward, embarrassing, and hurtful for my friend - it's a shame there seems no way to reconnect with that happening.
I guess I just have to continue to suck it up and put it out of my mind - as I say - it's not a big issue - it just bothers me sometimes. I never had a conversation with anyone about this - it's not something that ever comes up in conversation between me and my wife - she's got no issues with ot - it was just a strange event - occasionally one of us says I wonder what happened to...
Anyway - I just wanted to write it down and get it off my chest. I'm not planning on doing anything else - I stuck it out this long. It would just have been nice to know and share something of us and them and our and their kids.
An odd story isn't it? If there's any value to anyone else in sharing it - it's doing be a selfish a*hole by bringing a stupid infatuation into the real world - people get hurt.
There are a couple of other details I might add later if anyone reads this - things that only made sense after all this nonsense.