Have name changed as very outing bpd sister

[someoneholdmyhand]

Hi my sister has bpd and a history of lying she's gotten me in loads of trouble and my mum by lying. She also has a tendency to attention seek and either does drastic things to gain attention or lies. Well she got pregnant by a 67yo when she was only 17 then went out with her 47yo support worker.

Social services took her into mum and baby foster care. She's been out a month and Monday me and my mum had a spa day just the two of us now when me and my mum are together my sister tends to act out but having had 18 months of therapy and the fact that we not allowed to see her owing to lies she's told about us we went for the spa together for my mums birthday Monday.

Well today she has accused her Carers of both having sex with her (married couple been doing this for 30 years plus) and that she's pregnant with his baby and is having a abortion. She told her therapist this and now social services are going to take baby.

There's nothing I can do and a part of me wonders if after 18months of dbt therapy that my mum paid for she can still do this then maybe best thing for baby is adoption.

I can't adopt baby as I'm schizophrenic and I have 3 dc with SN zone with severe adhd one with severe asd and one with epilepsy. My mum who bore the brunt of the false allegations (for example that's she a alcoholic when she can't even drink two drinks without being drunk) is not allowed to adopt owing to allegations made no one else available too.

So I'm sat here and all I can do is wait for the phone call that my niece has been taken.

If the allegations are real then my sister is still vulnerable to sexual exploitation and she loses baby if she's lying then all her lies over the years are coming out and she loses baby she cannot win.

Have no one else to talk to and there's absolutely nothing I can do I can't speak to my mum because she's on the phone to my sister trying to keep her calm understandably so writing it down here don't think anyone can help just needed to get it out somewhere.

How awful for you. I’m so sorry. Sending you a huge hug.

Oh, how very difficult - and painful - for you. I've no specific or useful advice, but here are some for you, and nice hot drink .

I have a DB with BPD but it doesn't affect him in the same way. He's happily married with a DD and has never been involved with the police or social services. However I do know how difficult manic people can be. Very, very wearing,

Thanks both they taking the baby in the morning. Don't really understand why they waiting till morning though.

It might be that they need a specialist foster carer who simply isn't ready until the morning.

I am so sorry that your family is going through this. Its sounds like your sister is incredibly unwell though, and frankly the baby is better off away from her. You have very wisely agreed that you aren't in a position to take on the baby either. Hugs for you and your mum, this is tough on everyone.

@funnylittlefloozie thank you social workers spent the night there they are taking baby today I know it's what's best but I can't help feeling sad my sister was doing so well and then she goes and does this after trying so hard.

That's very difficult for you, I'm so sorry.

I think you know that it's the best outcome for your niece though. As you say, either your sister is still vulnerable to sexual exploitation (and the baby is also at risk from her lack of boundaries there) or she is telling lies (and the baby is at risk of emotional harm). Placement with you isn't a realistic option.

You might be able to ask the social workers if you could leave a letter on baby's file, for her to read if she ever asks for her file, saying you all loved her very much and hope she has had the wonderful start to life she couldn't otherwise have had. They would need to vet it to ensure it doesn't say anything that would be damaging but I think some authorities will let you do that.

Well they have taken my niece I've decided I don't want my sister to have contact with my dc as her psychiatrist report said she was at high risk of sexually abusing her daughter. Don't want my kids going through that I have to break the cycle
So she won't be having contact with my dc not even supposed

How have you seen her psychiatric report?

What a terrible situation for you and your mum, and everyone involved.

It's so sad, but I'm afraid it's far better for your niece to be fostered. It may be that family contact will be possible, but only time will tell I'm afraid.

I got you're not feeling guilty about your spa day with your mum. This played no part in what seemed inevitable.

@PollyPepper she asked me to look at it as I have schizophrenia I have a lot of experience with psychiatric reports so was asked to read both hers and the dads by my sister to see if I could help at all, so I read and explained it to her.

Gosh. This sounds horrible for both of you. It sounds like an awful lot for you. I have a relative who has a severe mental health problem and dealing with it is so very hard.

But it also sounds like your sister is very vulnerable and being abused too. Abused and then losing her baby must be so hard.

Its a horrible situation for all of you and wish you all support and care.

@SavingsQuestions I love my sister to bits and when she phoned me she wanted me to make everything ok the same as I have done when she was younger and fucked up but I think I may have done damage to have kept sorting things out for her as she's never learned.

Do you mean borderline personality or bi polar disorder?

I read it as borderline personality but a poster upthread appears to have read it as bi polar (ref to manic).

Borderline personality disorder not bipolar disorder.

I don't doubt you love her. It can be so hard to love someone who is so unwell.

As for "shes never learned". She's mentally unwell and part of her condition isnt it? It sounds like a lot of abuse. For a carer to take advantage of someone they care for is awful. She sounds very very unwell.

Its good she has people involved though. I wish all social workers had more funding and time.

It all sounds very complex. Do you have porper support? A mental health worker or social worker yourself? Or counsellor?

I have my psychiatrist who I speak to once a month no cpn as we decided on only consultant led care. I'm waiting for therapy myself from new pathways for my own history of sexual abuse. But the waiting lists are long.

(((((Someoneholdmyhand))))) It's all ridiculously underfunded isn't it. I really hope you get more support soon.

As a update my sister has run away to London and intends on prostitution as a way of funding her new lifestyle. I don't know what on earth to do tbh I'm just sat here horrified at how it all went so wrong.

I honestly don’t have any advice for you. But it sounds so complicated and I’m so sorry for you, your sister and your family. She sounds terribly unwell and all these men taking advantage of her. I really hope there can be some sort of happy ending for you all, I’m so sorry

@Lbnc2021 thank you tbh I have no advice for myself I just don't know what to do but it helps that you read and replied and are thinking of us.