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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Drama and neediness...

5 replies

UghJustSoPredictable · 12/05/2021 16:31

I'm not particularly bothered by this but really could see it coming. I'm just a bit Confused

I started dating someone. He asked after a week or so if we could be boyfriend/girlfriend. I said i was happy to be exclusive because I already was and would be anyway but labels so soon make me feel a bit anxious. We agreed that we were exclusive, and would see how it went but with a view to being together if it worked out for us.

I'm a little older than him. I don't do drama. Genuinely. I don't get jealous, I don't message incessantly, I like time to myself. I have friends, hobbies, children, work - a full life.

He told me that he was quite enjoying being with someone where there was no 'drama'.

Anyway, FF 2 weeks and he ended it!

And why?

Because he couldn't cope with the lack of drama Confused. He felt unsettled because I wasn't anxiously messaging to ask who he was with and what he was doing - which has been his experience of women.

Because I'm not 'needy'.

He just said it completely threw him and he didn't know where he stood with me. it made him feel that I wasn't interested.

Meant to add, it's not the first time.my 'independence and self assuredness has been a problem for men. I can't believe that jealousy, dra

Honestly, It feels like I just can't win!

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 12/05/2021 16:49

He is just not for you. A co-dependent who wants a relationship to be all about him is not for you. Frustrating but he would have been annoying if that clingy. Reframe this as the conclusion is all about him, and not much about you. Onwards and upwards...Mr Independent is out there somewhere!

Sunflower1970 · 16/05/2021 04:24

Maybe you were trying too hard to be ‘no drama’ and he thought you were remote and not interested? It’s disappointing but you weren’t right for each other x

updownroundandround · 16/05/2021 10:04

@UghJustSoPredictable

That's so not true !

You have won !

You have successfully dodged relationships with men who actively create drama for their partners by being duplicitous and secretive. Men who deliberately create situations to elicit stress/ upset in their partners.

You have 'failed' (according to these stupid 'men'), simply because you didn't 'rise to their bait' !

So, YOUR score is absolutely zero in failure !
THEY score bullseye in failure !

Dodging a bullet is not a failure ! Grin

AnaViaSalamanca · 16/05/2021 11:38

I think people who don’t do drama, don’t keep talking about it

AgentJohnson · 16/05/2021 13:36

Some people mistake drama for passion and some don’t. The problem only arises when those incompatibilities try to be together. Thankfully he recognised that and didn’t waste any more of your time. A win win for both of you.

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