OH cheated 2 years ago... only just found out

[boymum2020]

So I got sent a message on FB saying my OH cheated on me while I was pregnant. Which was almost 2 years ago. They claim it was their friend, my OH work colleague, who would give him lifts home occasionally and they would go out on nights out as part of a group.

I don’t believe but I do.
I just can’t believe it. But why would they make it up.
I honestly wouldn't have guessed it but now I can see it.
I feel so numb. I don’t want to believe it. But I can’t see why they would make something like that up.

I want to ask but I don’t. A part of me doesn’t want it confirmed. He doesn’t work with the woman anymore as we moved cities.

Atm I feel like my world has been thrown upside down. I keep asking myself do I leave him over this?
Cheating is a big thing to me, I left 2 boyfriends as I found out they had 1 night stands when drunk, but now we are engaged, have a house, a DS. And if you asked me other day if I loved him I would have said yes.

But now I look at him and not know who he actually is. Feel like my whole pregnancy was a lie and god knows what else.

I’m also a SAHM, so we share the money, but he has all of it, and sends me money, and gives me his card to buy things. We had assumed that when DS turned 2 I’d return back to work, as we have no family round here and childcare was so expensive.

I have an idea to stay for 1.5 years. This will give me enough time to gain money behind me, as leaving now would mean having almost nothing. And if I confront him about the cheating I’m worried he would make it difficult to leave, as it would mean I would be moving back to be closer to my family for help.

As others have said, why would someone track when their friend is sleeping with someone and keep that information for 2 years? It doesn't make sense.

I’d suspect the mystery emailer is the OW too. Why wait two years though? Possibly she was also in a relationship back then which has now ended and she’s fishing for your partner.

Alternatively, I’d be concerned that they have had recent contact and would want to get a look at his phone.

Any updates?

I received a message like this about an ex once a long time ago and my instinct was honestly to believe her. I couldn’t find a reason she’d lie and her story added up. It sounds like this woman’s story adds up with the dates too so I’d be inclined to believe her. Perhaps she has a guilty conscience so decided to reach out. Maybe she tried to reinstate contact with him but he refused and it hurt her feelings so she told you. I don’t think it’s her friend though, a friend wouldn’t remember the dates a couple of years on- that’s just weird.

I know the OW, we all worked at the same place. That's how I met my OH.
I never worked with her and really only saw her an handful of times.
Where as my OH would come into the office I was based, that's how we met and got chatting.
The woman who contacted me was a 'friend' of this woman's.
I'm shocked about it as well because the OW is (and not to be mean) very unattractive. That's why I wasn't bothered about OH getting lifts or going out with the group drinking and her been there.
But from speaking to old work colleagues who knew of her a bit, she's very loose and she sleeps around a lot and isn't picky. Which her 'friend' basically said.

@boymum2020

I know the OW, we all worked at the same place. That's how I met my OH. I never worked with her and really only saw her an handful of times. Where as my OH would come into the office I was based, that's how we met and got chatting. The woman who contacted me was a 'friend' of this woman's. I'm shocked about it as well because the OW is (and not to be mean) very unattractive. That's why I wasn't bothered about OH getting lifts or going out with the group drinking and her been there. But from speaking to old work colleagues who knew of her a bit, she's very loose and she sleeps around a lot and isn't picky. Which her 'friend' basically said.

is your partner not very picky either ? could it be true 🤔

You’re not going to be able to ignore this. It’s going to fester and drive you away anyway, even if you hoped to continue the relationship. You need to talk to him about it. Tell him that you know what happened two years ago with the girls name look at his reaction and go from there.

Op sorry that you are going through this.
It is possible for relationships to survive cheating, and even improve because of the openness that is necessary to process the fall out.
It is terrible for you right. Ow as you have just found out, but you don't need to decide anything yet.
You will need to speak to him and he needs to be honest for any chance of forgiveness. A good counsellor can be invaluable for this.
Also look up Esther Perel - she is a relationship therapist who has done books and podcasts, lots of stuff about cheating. Might be useful for you.