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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you're single and content with that, what makes you happy?

3 replies

peachgreen · 12/05/2021 13:38

My lovely DH died suddenly in October last year, leaving me a widow at 36. I've come to the realisation that while I would one day love another relationship, I am nowhere near ready and I don't want to settle for anything less than the happiness DH brought me. These two things combined mean I'm likely to be single for a long time.

I don't want this to be something that fills me with despair - I know that the only way to truly have a fulfilling and happy relationship is when you're also fulfilled and happy on your own, and this is a great time for me to learn to do that. DH and our relationship were perfect but the rest of my life hugely suffered as my own anxieties meant that I poured everything into him and didn't spend any time or energy on myself. I can see how how vulnerable that left me and I don't want to make that mistake again. I also want to know that if I do meet someone, I'll be entering into a relationship with them for the right reasons, not because I'm lonely or unfulfilled, especially as I have my wonderful 3 year old DD to consider.

So. This is a very long-winded way of asking: if you're single and happy, what is it that makes you happy? Where do you find fulfillment? Is there anything you would recommend to someone in my position?

OP posts:
Flyg · 12/05/2021 13:52

I'm very sorry for your loss. I raced in here with a list of things to say, but that was because most people on here are single after getting out of a horrible relationship, and your situation is obviously far different from that. The main thing i love about being single is the freedom to make all my own decisions, and also the freedom to make the leap if i do find someone special - but those things are for separated people rather than people who have been widowed i suspect.

I am also a single mum and i find fulfilment in friends and my 2 DC as well as the rest of my family and to some degree also in work. I find work can bring a lot of rewards - not least financially! It depends what sort of a person you are but for me fulfilment and happiness comes in connections with people, socialising, being able to laugh and talk and eat out. And of course in taking my kids to places and spending time with them.

Give yourself time, you will still be greiving x

Moonface123 · 12/05/2021 14:20

I am sorry for your loss.
I am also a widow, my husband died suddenly when l was 44.
Time has been a great healer for me. I gave myself time to adjust and adapt
I am eight years on now and l find happiness in the simplest of things. I have created a beautiful garden, l work hard on improving my home and focusing on my two sons who are teenagers now. l have also worked hard on myself so that l feel comfortable with just me , and l have a different group of friends now. It has opened my eyes to the fragility of life, and that there are manyl different ways to live your life and often your happiness is not so much based on your situation, circumstances but your attitude. The last thing my sons needed was a miserable mum, so l was determined to make my new setup work. I found lots of inspiration in other online widowed groups an books and l still feel optimistic regarding my future. It has been a time of intense growth.

,

Moonface123 · 12/05/2021 14:24

I am sorry for your loss.
I am also a widow, my husband died suddenly when l was 44.
Time has been a great healer for me. I gave myself time to adjust and adapt
I am eight years on now and l find happiness in the simplest of things. I have created a beautiful garden, l work hard on improving my home and focusing on my two sons who are teenagers now. l have also worked hard on myself so that l feel comfortable with just me , and l have a different group of friends now. It has opened my eyes to the fragility of life, and that there are manyl different ways to live your life and often your happiness is not so much based on your situation, circumstances but your attitude. The last thing my sons needed was a miserable mum, so l was determined to make my new setup work. I found lots of inspiration in other online widowed groups an books and l still feel optimistic regarding my future. It has been a time of intense growth.

,

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