Wish I could meet someone decent.

[Checkingoutemotionally]

I've not had many relationships. 2 in my late teens and early 20s.

Then had an 8 year relationship with my children's dad. He was lovely. But so boring and in the end our sex life stopped. After two years with no sex and barely speaking we had the talk. He wanted to wait a few years. But I was so bored of our routine and lack of relationship I said no now. I was bored to tears and so tired of my boring life.

A few months later. I met an older man 47 with a full time job in building work. He was funny and I liked talking to him. Being 15 years older he would see things differently and I felt we brought a lovely balance into eachothers lives.

Fast forward six months of us being extremely close and in love. Turns out he was carnage. He hid it very well. But he had everything in his past that you'd give a wide birth too.

Drink driving.
Car crashes.
Chronic pain from his car accident and heavily reliant on opiates. Stopping and starting them.
No money. Skint. Nothing in terms of property. Realised he hadn't given his ex everything in their peaceful breakup. She had dumped his ass for cheating and got sick of bailing him out.
A long string of women. Stalkers. Ex girlfriends. Aggressive ex wife. Facebook women. Old school friends (divorced women that seemed to fall for his online charm)
He was starting to be an arse to me. Insulted me several times about various things. Picking me apart.

I don't fancy online dating. I know full well if will be full of awkward Meals and small talk. Penis photos and players. I know some people find a good one. But I just think online dating means there's also a chance he's chatting to a few others and I honestly can't be bothered wondering who else could be in his inbox.

I just wish I could meet a nice man. Early 40s. Works and is able to look after himself. Also someone I can just relax with. Chat too. Laugh with and enjoy eachothers company. . I think I'm dreaming though. They don't exists do they lol?

Maybe it's easier to just be alone.

I know loads of them. But then I know loads of people generally - and I think that’s the key. If you have a full life with a broad range of hobbies and interests, do a lot of socialising, meet a lot of new people and have a lot of friends, you also meet a lot of likeminded potential partners. If you don’t want to OLD then you need to widen your social circle and activities and put yourself in a position to meet people looking for the same as you. And you have to do that genuinely: don’t just join a gym or running group or whatever when you don’t really have that interest because it’s always painfully obvious when somebody has clearly just joined up to trawl for potential dates.

Which I suppose is why so many people OLD - if you don’t have the inclination or time to be very sociable, it’s a more attractive way of identifying and meeting people quickly without too much investment.

I recommend you check out Female Dating Strategy on Reddit, OP. In my experience it has seriously helped me avoid crappy men, only leaving room for the good ones. I'll be honest though, I think good men do exist but they are the minority. It can be slim pickings out there for sure.

I agree with Comtesse too, I think the best way to meet men (and people in general) is by having an active social life and lots of hobbies.

@IJustWantSomeBees do you not find it too American focused? I think the culture is too different here for it to work...I find a lot of British men just won't approach or initiate in case they're bothering you. I think if I'd ever waited to be 'chased' I'd never have had a relationship!

I'd like to think I meet that criteria. I do however have a past, divorced with children.

It probably comes down to whether your prepared to look for someone like your ex that is maybe a bit more 'boring' (as unfortunately that does come with the stability, good /sensible decision making etc) or you take your chances.

Lots of those men exist, but as PP says will be divorced with kids
maybe not with a lot of money or property, you might be looking for a person that doesn’t exist in real life.

As an aside Ive read some stuff about FDS, I think it’s quite interesting, but does seem in parts to be based on finding someone, playing it cool, and getting them to chase you, which seems a bit counter intuitive to me 🤷🏼‍♂️

Hi everyone. Thanks for the replies. I don't mind divorced men with children and not a huge amount of money. I really am just wanting the kind honest funny side of someone.

My ex was boring because he was obsessed with conspiracy theories. He also would only cut the grass when I told him it needed doing. (someone needed to watch the kids)

I had got to a point where I thought he's never going to help me make our house and garden a home. He was too happy to sit watching Tele all weekend.

So it's not that I'm looking for a super exciting guy. Just a mans man? Someone who will know what to do and will get up and get on. I try do things myself but it's hard with the kids.

I've not looked into any sort of apps if I'm honest. I guess I don't get out much myself due to covid and having the kids. So perhaps I'm not really in the real world lol. I have alot of love to give and I feel like I'm in this strange stage of life (early 30s ) I feel like I want different qualities in a man now.

But it seems there is so much stress around social media and lying, cheating etc. I find it all quite draining and I easily allowed a liar into my life with the last one. Foolishly thought him being older meant he would be decent.

Thanks for the replies.