Partner gets moody if I hire help

[CMSdividend]

DP and I have been together 7 years, don't live together.
His time is very limited, works 7 days a week sometimes (think plumber/electrician so even on days off can be called out). He is not good with romantic gestures and "shows" his love by doing jobs for me such as mowing the grass etc. He's always saying that his house is neglected and there are jobs he needs doing.
I need a bathroom remodel done as I have quite a bad leak. I have a plumber coming to fit a new boiler anyway so called plumber to come and see the bathroom.
DP and I had discussed (well DP said) that he would take old suite out and replace etc.
I asked plumber for a quote to do the work. Well you'd think I asked the plumber to bend me over the sink and roger me senseless the fuss DP made about me hiring someone to do "his" job. I said to him if he has any spare time I'd rather spend it together and not having him doing jobs for me. It was bizarre. Can only assume he felt emasculated as someone else was looking after his woman .
Anyone else this has happened to?

I have a ton of stuff my Hubby will do "when he fears round to it" but many of the jobs are 1 to 2 years old. In reality he will only do the jobs he finds interesting at the time so better I get someone in to do the other stuff so it actually gets done.

Ugh I hate blokes who say they'll do this and that DIY for you and you thank them and it's like that's the end of it, you're left waiting and waiting, and then they get the huff when you do it yourself or get someone else to do it.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I couldn't be dealing with a controlling bloke like this. He'd be an ex. It's none of his business what you do with your money and home.

Exactly, thank you!

WHY do women put up with such bullshit?

WHY do women put up with such bullshit?

Why are you altering the perspective here to blame the woman in the situation @PerveenMistry? I've just seen you doing this in another thread, too.

Ugh, you remind me of my ex who thought being a diesel mechanic qualified him for any and all trades and would then:

• take an eternity (if ever) to getting around to a job
• throw a tantrum if gently reminded
• do a mediocre job, and
• leave a massive fucking mess for me to clean up afterwards

From experience I'm guessing this isn't the only way in which your DP is a petulant manchild.

She is not putting up with it

He sounds charming. Let me guess, if you hired a cleaner he wouldn’t be so desperate to be the ‘cunt’ to do it for you instead.

My DH is the same

He doesn’t have gone to do things and neither do I but gets annoyed and almost hurt if I book my car in for a valet or the lawn to be mown

This would drive me mad.
You: this bathroom needs sorting
DP: I'll do it
You: great.
Days pass, then weeks, then months
You: so, this bathroom
DP: yeah, I'm gonna do it
You: great! When?
DP: soon as this jobs finished.
More days, weeks and eventually months pass. The job finished and another big one has started.
So you call the right tradesperson for a quote because you need it done. You know it won't get done.
You: I got a quote for the bathroom
DP: WHAT? WHY? I SAID I'D DO IT!!
You: yes love, but you haven't and it needs doing.

I mean, what's the alternative? Wait forever? Nag and nag and nag? He's being ridiculous. Either he does it, or he accepts that it will be done quicker if you get someone in to do it. But you're not supposed to do that because it will hurt his feelings. What about your feelings and your slowly rotting ceiling from the bloody leak???

(disclaimer, been there done that, I know EXACTLY how all this feels)

It's not about doing a nice thing for you. It's about their ego, control and a sense of ownership.

Pay someone to do the work. Get your bathroom done, your deck finished, your living room floor laid.

Don't put up with this shit

I feel your pain. My partner is a trades person. We had a disagreement early on in the year because he promised to help with something & didn't. I'm having another job done now & have hired someone to do it. He did offer, but I pointed out that I wanted it doing this year, not in the next 5 . Also pointed out that he was waaaay too busy.
I suppose if they're doing the job all week they don't want to do it in their free time.
Maybe your partner has a case of hurt pride.

I dated a landscape gardener a few years back. My garden had got out of hand so I paid for someone to come and fix it. Good grief, did I ever suffer for that! My ex sulked for about three weeks after. So OP, you're either dating my ex or his brother! 😂

My xp was the same. Would go do some DIY job at his mums or his friends house but never at home.

There was always money for stuff for his hobby but I'd be wasting it if I was to spend it on getting stuff done about the house.

Trads people are the worst for that.

Get the leak sorted asap. If you leave it you might end up with mushrooms growing out the wall or floor. They like wet wood.

Glad to see it's not just me after all
Genuinely baffles me though. Can guarantee after the work is done he'll pick it apart.
One of the previous posters had it bang on as well - he can spend as much as he wants on a hobby but the moment I'm using my own money for my own house on a job that need doing it's considered a waste of money!

How is your dp ? Any progress made ?

@Hawkins001 I've got the plumber coming to do a complete bathroom overhaul during half term. I've just booked for me and the kids to go away that week so the plumber can just get on with it as I'll be without water.
Haven't told him arrangements yet as it's now two things. Someone's stolen his job and now I'm going on holiday without him! Need to rip the plaster off pretty soonish in case he arranged for his child to come over half term as I'd usually look after them.

[quote CMSdividend]@Hawkins001 I've got the plumber coming to do a complete bathroom overhaul during half term. I've just booked for me and the kids to go away that week so the plumber can just get on with it as I'll be without water.
Haven't told him arrangements yet as it's now two things. Someone's stolen his job and now I'm going on holiday without him! Need to rip the plaster off pretty soonish in case he arranged for his child to come over half term as I'd usually look after them.[/quote]
All the best op, and have a good time

Your home, your decisions. You don't live together I can't see how this is even an issue.

Just don't tell him he can enjoy the new bathroom when he comes round.