DP texting girl 4 years ago

[Youaremysunshine09]

I know I sound crazy here so bare with me please.

Dp was sneakily texting a girl he works with around 4 years ago, I found out & it was really upsetting as wasn't just friendly chat.

The girl is a homewrecker! Not just because her and my dp were texting, she has had an affair with a married man who also works there, blatantly flirts with any man with a pulse! I have been told this by several people who work in there (I haven't asked, they just volunteer the info when she comes up in conversation about dp's work).

At the time when her and dp were texting he denied that anything more happened and I forgave him and we moved on, or so I thought.

Found out last year she had an affair with one of my best friends husbands (he used to work there too).

I regularly pick my dp up from work and I see her, she can't even look at me!!

At the weekend myself and dp were with a mutual friend, he works in a different branch of the business but he knows the woman. We were innocently talking about their day to day in work and the woman's name comes up, mutual friend says something like "think you are one of the only people in building she hasn't been with) dp immediately changes the subject, I tell him about them texting 4 years ago and dp again changes the subject!

I have asked dp several times if anything went on between them physically, he denies it, but it just hasn't sat right with me for the last 4 years, I often have anxiety about it because I don't know what went on between them.

I feel I need to know the truth then finally get her out of my head, but anytime I ask dp he just changes the subject.

Aibu? Should I really just forget all this and continue life with seeing her most days and hating her more each day?

Or should I somehow ask him again, demand the truth & take it from there?

Does anyone have any advice please?

I know I sound like I don't trust him, that's not the case, I do & know he would never do anything like it again but I just can't seem to let go of this gut feeling that more went on than just flirty texts!!

@ferando81

If she sleeps with numerous married men ,home wrecker fits .Sure the men are at fault but why should she get a get out of jail free card .She knows what she’s doing is wrong ,hence she can’t look the op in the eye

I’m not sure two is numerous and quite frankly she could also be someone they are taking advantage of. Always insulting and and attacking the woman isn’t ok. The home wreckers are the married men,

@RogueMNerKnowsNoShame

She's making it everyone else's business by screwing married men. Texting married men. Dipping her nib in the office ink and causong trouble. If you don't want to be talked about like that then keep your relationships clean and private. Top dropping your knickers for men in the workplace and respect the innocent wife sat at home.

Yes the man's also an easily led idiot. But it's both of them. Single or not. She's affecting families and messing up people's happiness. She's as bad as the man.

SO much for the sisterhood— !! Yep its your partner that’s in the wrong but clearly plenty of women on here who think it’s perfectly ok for single women to come onto men with partners.

You mean a woman, not a girl?

It's not ok, but if the married men didn't oblige then there would be no affairs! All is takes is "thanks but no thanks, I'm married", regardless of how much "knicker dropping" (really?!) may go on.

It's not the single women flirting that wrecks homes, it's the men who can't say no or who actively pursue them!

It's not ok, but if the married men didn't oblige then there would be no affairs! All is takes is "thanks but no thanks, I'm married", regardless of how much "knicker dropping" (really?!) may go on.

It's not the single women flirting that wrecks homes, it's the men who can't say no or who actively pursue them!

It's not ok, but if the married men didn't oblige then there would be no affairs! All is takes is "thanks but no thanks, I'm married", regardless of how much "knicker dropping" (really?!) may go on.

It's not the single women flirting that wrecks homes, it's the men who can't say no or who actively pursue them!

I think emotional affairs can do as much damage as physical ones. It's the deceit and loss of trust that does the damage

It's not ok, but if the married men didn't oblige then there would be no affairs! All is takes is "thanks but no thanks, I'm married", regardless of how much "knicker dropping" (really?!) may go on.

It's not the single women flirting that wrecks homes, it's the men who can't say no or who actively pursue them!

It's not ok, but if the married men didn't oblige then there would be no affairs! All is takes is "thanks but no thanks, I'm married", regardless of how much "knicker dropping" (really?!) may go on.

It's not the single women flirting that wrecks homes, it's the men who can't say no or who actively pursue them!

There is no such thing as a home wrecker.

It sounds like you need to talk to him about all the unresolved anxiety you have and go with your gut feeling. If its still worrying you 4 years later you haven't dealt with it properly and you don't have enough trust.

Also, feminism works both ways. She disrespected you so you are allowed to be disrespectful of her in my opinion x

It sounds like you need to talk to him about all the unresolved anxiety you have and go with your gut feeling. If its still worrying you 4 years later you haven't dealt with it properly and you don't have enough trust.

Also, feminism works both ways. She disrespected you so you are allowed to be disrespectful of her in my opinion x

I think you both need to detach work and home. Why on earth are you having conversations like this with your husband's work colleagues? Neither of you should have any contact with them outside of working hours. You either trust him with this woman or you don't. If you don't you may need to leave.

@ferando81

If she sleeps with numerous married men ,home wrecker fits .Sure the men are at fault but why should she get a get out of jail free card .She knows what she’s doing is wrong ,hence she can’t look the op in the eye

Tbh I disagree (as a woman who's been cheated on). SHE'S not doing anything wrong, she's not made any commitments to anyone and is free to sleep with whoever the hell she wants to, who the man is married to or living with really isn't HER problem. The married MEN who sleep with her on the other hand are c*s.

Ihatesalad Sorry, but who commented saying it was alright to get with married men? I can't recall that from any of the comments, including mine.

Speaking for myself as someone who has been cheated on, my anger would be and was directed towards my partner, not the woman.

As many have commented and as much as it's shit to hear, a home cannot be wrecked unless someone left the front door open.

Well said!! Trixie78

Neither party is innocent but the issue with women pointing the finger at the single woman makes it predominantly clear to these men that it's okay and they can get off scot-free. Fuck that.

All I can say is you're directing all your anger at this girl. He's as responsible as she is - if not more. She's single, he isn't.
You don't know what you've heard about this girl is even true. I had an awful reputation, started by a jealous horrible girl and NONE of it was true. She said I had blokes lined up to shag in the college toilets - I was a virgin!!
She isn't the issue. Your boyfriend is.