Early days of divorce- how do I stay OK?

[DearTeddyRobinson]

Started divorce proceedings yesterday. I'm going from relieved to angry to sad and everything in between about every 5 minutes. The kids don't know. He wants 50% of the house value and to see the kids twice a month.
I'm such a MUG. Been the breadwinner for years while he dicked about over 3 different careers. He's got a drinking problem that he denies. I'm 46, worked my arse off for 25 years, do all the stuff with the kids and now he wants to walk off with half the only asset I have. That I bought and paid for.
HOW do I get to a place of being at peace with this? Of having to sell my lovely home, uproot the kids, and see him swan off playing lord of the bloody manor?? How?? I'm so fucking angry

It's horrendously tough and sadly, my bitterness (4 years on) has not really gone. Things have of course got better with time, but life changed hugely for myself and the kids.
One thing I've learnt is that you have a choice. Move on or let the bitterness eat you like a cancer.
Good luck and you never know.... things may be wonderful and more fulfilling down the line.

See a solicitor - if the kids are mainly with you it is likely you should get more than 50%

Depending how old the kids are, you will be entitled to more. Has the solicitor said it has to be 50/50?

Well, he can want what he likes, he won't necessarily get it. I'd aim for a split of assets more in your favour rather than agreeing to him getting half. But see what your solicitor says.

You might have put up with him longer than you should have, but you're not a mug - you wanted it to work. You did your best.

Thank you all. I have a good - well expensive - solicitor. Hopefully I can get closer to 80%, seeing as how he would have a fit if he had to have the kids for more than 48 hours in a row.
I'm trying to be all zen and what will be will be about it but every so often I'm just so full of rage and resentment. I wish I'd never met the fucker. Kids are young, 5 & 8. I've done all the shitwork for years.

@DearTeddyRobinson

Sorry you are going through this.
You must get legal advice now in case he borrows money etc.

Remember keep the zen and the higher ground or his behaviour is controlling yours.

One step at a time.

And good luck as it will be alright and you will be happier.

Thank you @Justa47

I wish I could fast forward 18 months

Why do you have to sell the house? Assume he is still living there? Sorry you’re going through this.

@toobusytothink because I can't afford to buy him out (London house prices).

I'm sorry you are going through this. To answer your question I would say think about having some therapy to help you process your emotions and to move forward. My friend said to me (and I found this so annoying but I think it's true!) That you are buying your freedom. No, he doesn't deserve any of it, but soon you will be free of him and that is worth paying for.

@dearteddyrobinson no real advice but I get your frustration BUT in his defence he did have careers ( albeit dicked about with ) so he must have put in some financial contributions and lastly you say you * wished you never met the fucker ) but if it wasn't for his part he played / his seed. You would not have your 2 children,!! Sorry I just felt he needed some defending... Good luck on your new future

The alternative is to spend the next 40 years with him. If I were in your shoes, I'd see whatever he manages to leave with as the price you have to pay to avoid the alternative. If he's really that bad, convince yourself it's a bargain.

@Ardvark111 you are right of course and in my saner moments I do think that. I'm just feeling all over the place and can't keep up with my wild mood swings! I do think therapy is a good idea so I don't lose it completely.
I can feel the panic rising and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, then 10 minutes later I'm fine. It's bonkers and horrible, frankly.