I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, I wonder if its me or its just the people around me adding to this stress of am I good enough. Firstly thank you for accepting me and secondly apologises for anyone who makes it to the end of my post 📫. Firstly I am 49 I wouldn't say ive had the easiest life, who has, I have 5 grown kids and grandkids who I adore. I've been married and divorced twice too young First time, second shouldn't have happened. So far in life I've been a latch key kid from a broken home, brought up by dad but had my mom throughout my life.
Background I had 6 kids one of my darling kids died of cot death I was 21 at the time, the whole stress ended my marriage for sure, I remarried in my thirties but that ended in disaster too. I've worked all my life and when my kids were grown up I got my dream job and new partner who basically bet me up for over 3 years, couldn't get anyway from him stalked harassed, ended up like a skeleton , the only time I was safe was when I was away at my work he couldn't touch me then. Eventually I managed to get help and he got restraining order slapped on him.,
Eventually it was decided I should move away even for a short time to clear my head, my kids were supportive and settled in life, just after ex restraining order expired I met someone else 🙃 he was lovely and kind and younger than me but as everyone said I didn't look my age and it didn't seem like a big deal. My kids really liked him, so I moved beside him it was only for 6 months and I was still working away at my job and could still get back and forth to see my family. I rented the house my new partner stayed with me. He had bought his own house so was renovating it so it was fine.
When I moved beside him I basically had to throw my stuff in the house and go back to work so my first Xmas was going to be challenging as its a bit out of the way for me to get house sorted and get home so my new partner said come have Xmas with my family. So that was good id met them at that point, as I only got home shortly before Xmas. Never been away from my family so it was going to be strange
My first meeting with new partners mother was strange, she was a big woman well spoken and obviously came across she was well too do and her son was a good Catholic boy and it was a shock that he was seeing a older woman.
Theres 12 years age difference.
After that visit I was told I couldn't come to Xmas Dinner as I was a stranger and I couldn't get home by this point because of the transport, so I told me partner to go have his Xmas with his family, while I sat in the house wondering wtf I had done, moving away leaving my family .
I was invited to their house that evening for drinks and met his dad who was lovely and invited back for new year drinks,,but the day we were meant to go yet again my partner was told they didn't accept me or the fact I had kids and my age.
My partner was furious with them I could see and he didn't go back home after that, he said at the house I was renting. 6 months went past and my partners house was ready so he asked me to go live with him, it was strange as I've always been independent and been the breadwinner but I did and life was great.
We were having a great life when i was home, then I had a accident and hurt my shoulder so I couldn't go to my job, while waiting on a operation I put my savings into my partners account as I didn't want to leech of him and felt uncomfortable staying with him for nothing. My savings soon dried up though, it became apparent that his family were very very close, I am a private person and I like my own space whilst his family live 2 minutes away and his mother was becoming a regular visitor to see him.
It didn't bother me to start with but she works at same place as him and he works with his other family members too so you'd think she wouldn't be on the doorstep every 5 minutes.
That continued for a while until I said to my partner she really needs to call ahead first as its not great her turning up unannounced all the time, its not like she came to see us both because it was only him she was talking too, 8 years on she still doesn't know my kids names or nothing about me as she's never shown an interest.
The year after I moved here we were going on our first holiday it was just a last minute deal and we were busy running around packing and getting stuff sorted, she turned up at door demanding to know we had travel insurance, he swiftly sent her away.
The pattern over time has been she wants to know everything of where we go what we do.
After I got my shoulder fixed it was decided I'd get a job at home, the deal was he'd pay the bills and I buy the shopping and petrol etc. I got a job and life was good, In between ive hadmto meet his family on a few occasions where they have made digs at me, and his dad who is also twisted has made me cry with his rudeness towards me, and even though we come from same country said he couldn't understand my accent. I avoid him at all costs, he hasn't worked in 25 years due to ill health and blames his illness on himrudeness.
I have been invited once for new years dinner in 8 years whilst I've cooked them Xmas or new years Dinner very year since still with the digs in our home about me being a nice girl shame about my age, I later find out they just feel robbed he can't have kidsmwith me.
Every holiday we ever go on his mother turns up at door just before we are going away, few years back she wanted to come visit with her sister, my partner said no we are busy getting ready to go away, 7 times he told her, there I was sitting with a fake tan no clothes on half my eye lashes done and they come into house and she starts showing her sister around the rooms and they go into the cupboards, I flipped my lid with embarrassment and wouldn't come through to see them and they left, we argued the whole holiday that it was totally unacceptable for her to keep doing that everytime we go away. It caused arguments and ill never get over it.
When we are away she will ring him everyday when we are abroad and ask him if his dad gets not well should she tell him.
This has been going on nearly 8 years now, and I'm sick of it, lockdown she was at the door every day asking to come in and I eventually had to say to her your not allowed.
Second lockdown at door every weekend asking to get in the house and I said no and my partner fell out with me that I was being cruel.
By this point I hadn't seen my own family in 8 months because of the lockdown, hes seen they constantly, first lockdown we were both on furlough second lockdown I had gone self employed, although work wasn't steady ive still bought all the shopping then petrol do all the house work cooking everything, he doesnt wash a dish, but either does his mother in her house.
She grills me it seems to ask if I'm still working trying to make me look like I'm living off him.
Recently shes been saying to him on the phone she's never going to be a granny and other things that is definitely sighted towards me. Now I'm working 3 days a week my partner is moaning I should be working 5, but in my job it is physically hard and I do work for my money and keep the house clean too. I dont have feel its them putting things into his head. I'm dreading next week when restrictions lift and she's back here like Queen of sheba visiting all the time or calling from outside the house.
I would love for us to move back nearer my family he won't hear of it because he can't leave his poor dad, or he can't sell up cause him and his dad did up this house ven though we've done it up again since, or leave his brother he works with. I'm sick to death of them all.
My partner has been blind to it made excuses all these years for them, and I cant hide my disgust of them anymore. When he's been in their company he comes home with negatively and sometimes can be spiteful with it, then he is fine again. When we are away visiting my folks its like hes free and loves getting away. His mum keeps saying stuff like if anything happens to his dad she will be staying close to her boys, then I feel like I'm stuck with her forever. I adore my partner and I know most of the time he adores me but even his thoughts of marriage aren't mentioned now since I know his dad told him not to marry. Anyone else in this situation.