Should I report him to the department?

[Redandpink]

I have a brother living at home with my mom. He's an adult now and he's nearly 30 in age.

I can remember him being a hard worker in his teens. He's completely different now. He had a factory job a few years ago and he wasn't able for it. Himself and his mates they were bad for each other. Drinking and possibly drugs. He kept missing days at work, nearly every week missing the Mondays and the Tuesdays due to coming down from his weekends. Eventually he walked out from his job choosing a life of benefits instead of trying to make something of himself. He had such a poor attitude in recent years. He's lazy, rude, arrogant and obnoxious. He doesn't contribute to my mom's household. Either with money or chores. I can't figure out if it's depression or drugs with him or a mix of both. The grass is currently and the job needs to be done to cut the grass but he won't cut it. My mom won't ask him to cut the grass in cases it upsets him or angers him and he's more than happy to lay in bed all day every day. My mom is denying the true extent of his condition. What can be done if anything? The man is a dead beat and he is a user using mom to live a free life while he gives little back in return. Should I be reporting him to the benefits section because I know for a fact he is not looking for work. The benefits department is probably the only place that will get that man into gear and shape him into some sort of a real life.

There was a time when she was coming to me looking for money but I put that boundary in place where I don't give money any more. If she's short on her bills that's on her.

Assuming you’re in the UK, I think you’re being a bit naive if you think reporting him is going to fix anything. Even if his benefits are stopped because he’s not actively looking for work, he’s pretty unlikely to bounce out of bed on Monday morning, put a suit on and go job hunting. He’ll just expect your mum to support him. And it sounds like she will. So then you get to watch her make the decision over whether to pay her bills or eat.

Essentially, if he wants to live like that, then there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. It’s none of your business. The only thing that could change the situation would be if your mum decided she no longer wanted to subsidise his lifestyle. But unless/until she does that, reporting him will only make things worse for her. And I understand why you don’t want to give her money, but I’m not sure I’d be able to let my mum sit in the dark because I’m too angry with my brother to help her out by changing a lightbulb.

I used to work for the DWP, and they won’t get involved in a relative reporting that someone is lazy. Unless he is working on the side, they won’t do a thing. He must have an work advisor, he must have a journal, and a list of commitments. He is obviously satisfying their requirements. At the moment, with so many UC claims etc, they won’t have time to pursue stuff like this. Jobs are patchy at the moment anyway - many firms aren’t sure they will survive, so there’s even less pressure for claimants to pursue work. Hopefully, your mum will come to her senses, but all you can do is let her get on with it.

"The man of the family" phrase came from the days when the man was often the only person working in the family and brought in the only income. That's as far from this case as you can get. Your mum sounds ridiculous but she's the one who has to live with him. I'd just meet up with her out of the house and as you say, never ever lend her any money.