Well, as many as you are aware, I have some issues with MIL, since we decided to marry she started acting as if I was not good enough for his DS. She is horrible sometimes but she always disimulate the ofense in the way of saying: "Oh but I love you very much, but how do you expect people to be nice to you if you don't hide you come from latinamerica"- or "I don't know how do you do it but when DS was dating X he always dressed very well, but then X cared about those things" or "I don't care what you think but you don't have my permision to...have a dog, name my grandchild with that name, move to another country or seeing the relatives I don't like". The problem is so deep that the main reason we don't go back to Spain is that we are sure our marriage won't survive so much pressure. Since DS was born this has been a war, she finds extremely difficult to respect our decisions and as a result DH and I relationship gets affected. I used to blame DH for not stoping her but since DS was born DH has tried very hard and we only get treats saying that she is going to do whatever she wants.
A few months ago, she demanded to see DS (he was 14m at the time), we have not planned to visit her for several reasons but the main obstacle was that my visa was expired and it took months to renew it and as a result I couldn't go out of the country, but she threw a tantrum and requested DH to leave me here and take DS to her. I was so shocked at that request that DH didn't even comment on that.
At the moment I'm very stressed as I have to submit my dissertation in 2 weeks, we had planned to go this weekend (DH had a business trip to Spain and we have said DS and I would go with him), unfortunately I will be risking failing the dissertation if I go now, so we have spend the week thinking how to tell her to avoid a further drama, so we decided just to postpone the trip for two weeks. DH told her about it today and hell broke loose, she is fuming and DH (who atm is in Austria) rang me an hour ago to tell me that after his meeting in Spain he will come back to pick up DS and take him back to Spain to his grandmother. I really don't know if I'm over reacting, but both DH and I don't trust her to take care of DS, I understand she is his grandmother but why do we always have to do the things her way? why is it to bad to wait 2 weeks?, she has said that she had to cancel something to be home this weekend and had lost some money, and the only thing I'm tempted to do is to send her a check for the amount and cancel the trip at the end of the month.
I really need a reality check, I don't think is right of me to let DS go alone when he barely knows her, I really don't trust DH to take proper care of DS (He is a great Dad but sometimes he gets concentrated in other things and don't pay attention, sometimes he forgets to feed him, other times DS has had some little accidents while DH is distracted), my MIL has a pond, a swimming pool and toxic substances at home (some pigments she uses to mix her oil paintings are very poisonous), and she is far more uncareful than DH. Would you risk a biiiiiggg fight with DH to avoid taking DS (without me) to stay with MIL? Or would you just let him go and pray nothing bad happens?