Does it matter if he cheated?

[Srirachachacha]

Bumped into my very recent ex today and he was with the woman that I asked several times during the relationship if he was cheating with on me with her.

I don't know if they're together. When we broke up he promised they weren't but that he didn't know what would happen

It was a mutual breakup (although he instigated it), I should never have gone out with him. We want different things, I work but he doesn't, he fudged some dates about his last breakup when we met, wouldn't deal with anything in his life and would tell me I was a nag for suggesting ways in which he could improve things.

He was lovely. He wasn't for me and it was never going to work financially. I broke up with him and then we got back together but shouldn't have.

But there is a pattern, that I end up with unsuitable men, we break up and they move on quickly. What's wrong with me?

Nothings wrong with you, just haven't met anyone decent. Next time, if a guy sounds like he isn't for you, end it after one date, don't just continue because you don't want to be lonely or whatever. If you want a guy that works, accept nothing less. Make sure they have the same standards on finances as you. If he lies, ditch him even if it's a stupid lie. It won't get better. Just set your standards and refuse to go below them.

Yeah, you're right. It's so hard- I really wasn't sure at the time and my friends convinced me if he was the right guy we could work around things.

When we got together I posted for advice (he's on benefits- if we moved in together/married I'd have had to support him) and I should have walked away then.

It's really difficult when all your friends are settled, have kids and you just feel left behind. I'm going to spend some time on me now, I tend to end up single for long periods of time then go out with someone and it's all downhill from there.

There's a whole load of shit in my life right now, and not worrying about him is a relief. But it was nice to have someone to do things with and love.

But it was nice to have someone to do things with and love.

That's the problem though. You aren't happy by yourself and you go with anyone just to not be alone. You're not alone in that, loads of people do the exact same thing. But that's how you get these twits, because they prey on someone vulnerable and latch on, making promises and never sticking to them. Bet he told you loads of times he would find work and never did. Someone like that won't ever change. If they have been unemployed for a while with no good reason for it, they aren't going to work.

You shouldnt have to work through the problems either from the start of a relationship. The start should be the fun part, getting to know each other, not trying to fix them from the off. If they need fixing from the off, run away and fast. It's baggage you don't want or need.

If they need fixing from the off, run away and fast. It's baggage you don't want or need.

I'm printing this out and laminating it

It's not you. I've had 3 serious relationships. 2 out of 3 were obsessed with other women. Typical social media flirts. Made me feel like crap the entire time.

Met my 3rd partner who I had kids with and he's just boring to be honest. We split last summer. But he is such a chilled guy he just presumes we are working it out. I don't want him anymore. We've not had sex for three years.

Then 10 months ago I got involved with an older man. I was full of hope. He's got to be better surely! Late forties. Gunna appreciate me in my early 30s. I was convinced we would balance eachother. He was charming. Alpha. But had a deep side as he was also depressed. He was able to talk about feelings. He fell in love with me. Then all the exes were coming out the cracks. He was definitely not over his last relationship as her photos were still in his living room. He was communicating with me all day every day. Planned a future with eachother. Then found out he was a liar. Looking at other women. Messaging another woman. Still having his ex round for a cuppa and regular phone calls. Realised he had no family. No money. No relationships. Was putting me down. Making me feel crap about myself. Then started loosing his temper with me verbally. We split 8 weeks ago.

I just give up. Im a nice, loyal person. Average looking. I wear makeup and nice clothes and always Smell nice. All I want is someone funny. Light. Able to have a mature conversation who doesn't want to stick his penis into everything with an average face. I want someone who once they have me stops shopping for other women. But I want someone with a bit of life in them too. On a jokey level wouldn't mind them having a tradesman job as I like the whole workman thing haha.

Seriously you are not alone. It's so difficult. I think in destined for a sexless lonely future lol.

Oh Blossom I just feel like I missed out because I didn't meet "the one" at uni. I'm early 30s but having kids is out anyway (cancer) and I just feel like if this is it, then it's not what I want.

It makes me so sad that there are so many lovely women looking for a man to just be nice to them and be solid, but there's so few of those!

@Blossompetals
You hit the nail on the head! Every single man I've ever been involved with has been obsessed with other women including my exH. All the men I dated OLD still had their profiles active and were openly still searching for other women.

My strict rule for any (unlikely) future man is that I'm the only girl he's seeing and pursuing, that shouldn't be hard right? But it appears to be rarer than unicorn tears

Sorry for the slow reply ladies.

Oh I know. I was only a kid in the 90s but I bet if was much easier to date back then before online stuff destroyed so many things. It's so fake online too. My most recent guy was 47 and ageing in his face. Getting grey. Lines on his face. Certainly past his youthful looking days. But I was still not enough for him. I am not a model but certainly not Shrek either. I am a healthy weight and slim. I've got no wrinkles. My hair is shiny and thick. I wear makeup but keep it natural. I always smell nice and never leave the house without a little makeup. But most importantly I'm loyal. Kind. I have a sense of humour. Absolutely love laughing at random stuff. But I love to talk seriously too. I love a good deep chat about anything. I have alot of time for people who I click with. I like to help people if they are struggling. My recent ex again struggled with money. Muggings here used to insist on him borrowing abit until pay day. Which he did several times and expressed how lovely u was. Then one night in February this year. He was on the phone to me saying all this sexual stuff he wanted to do with me. We ended the call at 1am with an I love you so much can't wait to see you.

I woke up the next morning. He had added another woman on his Facebook. For the next week I watched him go through her whole facebook. He Particularly liked this woman because he wanted me to buy a dress or two just like hers. But slutty versions for the bedroom. After the night he had been all sexy on the phone with me he couldn't sleep. So he went through her whole facebook and liked photos of her on holiday. In see through blouses. Bikinis. Looking out over the sea with all her back out.(he suggested the next day I found something to wear in bed with all my back out) he also started going on about my ankles after liking her legs in a picture. But the bit that hurt was he liked her selfies from six months ago of her just sat on her sofa! Nothing special. But he liked it.

He deleted her as soon as I asked him. But I wasn't satisfied and we split up when I told him I wanted an adult conversation about this.

Apparently I'm insecure and a stalker lol.

So yep. They don't get better with age men. They can't resist and now they have access to women online they are even worse.

Got to laugh or you will cry. Maybe a nice jolly loyal builder in his mid forties will fall in love with me one day haha.

@Srirachachacha

I'm sorry to hear you are unwell. X