How to get over abandonment?

[Mylifestartstoday]

My STBXH was having an affair, got caught and I threw him out. This was 2 years ago. For the last year he has completely discarded me and our teenage children. He doesn’t contact them at all. I should have blocked him,but now he’s blocked me, and I feel discarded all over again. We were together 20 years, but now it’s like we’re dead to him.
He’s done some awful things since he was caught, and I no longer love him, but I can’t shake the shock of him just abandoning us. I’m early 50’s and life seems so bleak. He’s gone from being an involved father to someone who knows nothing about them. I struggle every day with the enormity of what he’s done, but of course it was all my fault.
I believe he lives with the OW (who was also married), so they must have been together now for 5 years. I just can’t believe our lives have turned out like this, and I’m struggling to move on. My counsellor believes he has covert narcissistic tendencies, and I tend to agree.
Any advice? I have counselling already, we all do. I’m on medication. I have insomnia but, despite strong sleeping pills, I don’t sleep. I think about it every single day.

Hello there. I'm sorry to read your post. My only thinking is that whether you like it or not, you're grieving a life you thought you had. Two years isn't long and the onset of the peace needed to grieve was probably delayed by practicalities.

I grieved hard once. I'd had to go NC with family due to abuse. I felt I'd lost everything. That was my refrain for some long months. But one day, it just wasn't true anymore. I felt scared instead, and vulnerable and lonely. It marked a change, emotional progress. I never felt the same grief again. This is all I can offer as help, the idea that you're sad and hurting and it's ok to be that way, in fact its appropriate to the level of loss you've suffered. But if you give it voice and actually feel it, it will get the expression it needs and pass away xxx