Tell me your positive couples role models!

Nanny2many · 2021-05-09T15:55:38+00:00

I’ve realised in my therapy that I have mostly bad and negative experiences of relationships. So I’ve set myself a challenge to think about as many “couple goals” as possible, and what makes these couples just work. I don’t really know what I’m after here, but would love to hear your experiences of real, safe relationships with trust, acceptance and comfort. The kind of relationships where the couple are a team and respect each other. Doesn’t have to be Hollywood or Disney!

riotlady · 09/05/2021 17:12

I’m in the same boat (lots of divorce, abuse etc in my family) and my couple + parenting role models are actually my ex boyfriends parents. I haven’t seen them in years but lived with them for a few months and they were such lovely people. Really kind, always seemed so comfortable in their own skin and with each other.

Joy69 · 09/05/2021 17:31

My role models are 2 couples who are both friends of mine. They make time for each other, although they are both happy to support one another in their own interests. They have each other's backs. The one thing that I have noticed the most is that even though they have been together over 20 years, they still have a brilliant laugh together & literally bounce off each other. I think basically it's a mutual respect. I
would have loved to have had this in my marriage. It does give me hope watching my friends & also makes me happy to see them happy

Alcemeg · 09/05/2021 17:39

I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but me and DH#2 have a wonderful relationship. I could never have imagined any such thing when I was with DH#1. In fact, I didn't think it was possible.

Only once in nearly 10 years has he been slightly irritated with me, and he apologised immediately afterwards.

We always have a laugh together and never get bored of each other's company. Which is just as well, because we live in the middle of nowhere and don't bother with a social life.

Whenever we do spend time with other people, it reminds us how lucky we are to just "get" each other so completely and easily. Dealing with other people is almost stressful by comparison.

He often says that if I die before him (I'm older) he will just fill the house with cats and dogs (I'm allergic to them, or we'd already have done this by now) and call them all by my name 💗

I think it's really important to know that such relationships do exist. If I'd had any idea it was possible, I'd never have put up with such rubbish relationships for so long in the past. (Like you, I only had experience of difficult stuff.)

Hope you find your own true happiness!

36degrees · 09/05/2021 17:42

Not a couple but Debbie Harry and Chris Stein are my ex-couple role models. When me and my ex aren't getting along I quite often think what would Debbie do in this situation.

Livandme · 09/05/2021 17:48

I've known a very strong couple for nearly 40 years (met them as a child) they overcame some troubles initially (one was married to someone else, don't know if an affair took place)
I always remember their house was filled with laughter and I guess now looking back, support.
They have overcome an affair in later life. They talk and support each other through good and bad times, mainly with laughter.
I wish I'd married their son (or someone like him) as he treats his wife with respect, and they also laugh alot. I truly belief this is because he was shown a good relationsjip example

I wish I'd known what to look for much much earlier in life.

Original poster

Nanny2many · 09/05/2021 21:47

@36degrees

Not a couple but Debbie Harry and Chris Stein are my ex-couple role models. When me and my ex aren't getting along I quite often think what would Debbie do in this situation.

what Would Debbie Do is probably an amazing philosophy for many aspects of life!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanny2many · 09/05/2021 21:49

@Livandme

I've known a very strong couple for nearly 40 years (met them as a child) they overcame some troubles initially (one was married to someone else, don't know if an affair took place) I always remember their house was filled with laughter and I guess now looking back, support. They have overcome an affair in later life. They talk and support each other through good and bad times, mainly with laughter. I wish I'd married their son (or someone like him) as he treats his wife with respect, and they also laugh alot. I truly belief this is because he was shown a good relationsjip example

I wish I'd known what to look for much much earlier in life.

im controversial in that I dont think affairs are an automatic cut and dry deal breaker. Oh my, laughter and support, true friendship is something to aspire to!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanny2many · 09/05/2021 21:52

@Alcemeg

I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but me and DH#2 have a wonderful relationship. I could never have imagined any such thing when I was with DH#1. In fact, I didn't think it was possible.

Only once in nearly 10 years has he been slightly irritated with me, and he apologised immediately afterwards.

We always have a laugh together and never get bored of each other's company. Which is just as well, because we live in the middle of nowhere and don't bother with a social life.

Whenever we do spend time with other people, it reminds us how lucky we are to just "get" each other so completely and easily. Dealing with other people is almost stressful by comparison.

He often says that if I die before him (I'm older) he will just fill the house with cats and dogs (I'm allergic to them, or we'd already have done this by now) and call them all by my name 💗

I think it's really important to know that such relationships do exist. If I'd had any idea it was possible, I'd never have put up with such rubbish relationships for so long in the past. (Like you, I only had experience of difficult stuff.)

Hope you find your own true happiness!

thank you for this. You dont sound braggy, i invited this discussion! Im delighted you have found your hubby. I think laughter is such a magical essence of a happy healthy relationship. I remember noticing the parents of some friends would always be laughing and playing together, their joy and friendship was palpable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanny2many · 09/05/2021 21:53

@riotlady

I’m in the same boat (lots of divorce, abuse etc in my family) and my couple + parenting role models are actually my ex boyfriends parents. I haven’t seen them in years but lived with them for a few months and they were such lovely people. Really kind, always seemed so comfortable in their own skin and with each other.

sorry you're in the same boat. kindness is so easily under rated!. Heres to us both finding more of that energy in our lives!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nanny2many · 09/05/2021 21:55

@Joy69

My role models are 2 couples who are both friends of mine. They make time for each other, although they are both happy to support one another in their own interests. They have each other's backs. The one thing that I have noticed the most is that even though they have been together over 20 years, they still have a brilliant laugh together & literally bounce off each other. I think basically it's a mutual respect. I would have loved to have had this in my marriage. It does give me hope watching my friends & also makes me happy to see them happy

Yes to a couple having each others backs and being on the same team! Laughter, respect, brilliant. And just sincerely caring for each other

OP posts:

arthurdaly · 09/05/2021 22:28

My in laws! They've been together for 40 years and just have an amazing relationship. Lots of laughing, respect for each other and have raised three children who are incredibly respectful and genuinely nice people (obviously biased about DH). They've been through some incredibly tough times but have worked together through it all and whilst now they don't have a lot financially they enjoy just being together. It's really hard to explain but when you see them together it's like watching two teenagers who catch each other's eye and go all giddy 😂
I hope DH have as many happy years together as they have.

Keepitonthedownlow · 09/05/2021 22:34

I have a friend who married her DH at 16, 7 kids later, still going strong. They have a laugh together and support each other. I'm really inspired by them.

Unihorn · 09/05/2021 22:36

Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell are very open about how they work to make their marriage successful, I always think they seem happy.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 09/05/2021 22:48

Mum and dad. I've never heard them be snappy or disrespectful or unkind to each other. They advocate (fairly) for each other when my sister or I have complained about the other for whatever reason. They have their routines and kindnesses they do for each other always. Never a rude word or dismissive gesture etc.

DolphinFC · 10/05/2021 06:24

One thing I've noticed about all successful couples is that in every case the man automatically does his share of household chores and childcare - not because there's been a discussion and he's improved, he just did it anyway.

DolphinFC · 10/05/2021 08:27

Also I would add they, to the best of my knowledge, have good sex lives.

Eesha · 10/05/2021 08:46

@DolphinFC im a single parent and whenever i see dads doing the school run, i always think how great that family must be. I clearly set my bar low! But seriously, i agree, those couples where the dad shares the workload seem to be happy. I only know one.

Keepitonthedownlow · 10/05/2021 10:37

Yes the Dad I'm referring is so hands on. He actually wanted to be a Dad.

TheCanyon · 10/05/2021 11:04

Our next door neighbours, they are 86 and 84 and so bloody adorable. A real team, they share everything! Regularly dance in the garden/lounge.

Jannetra17 · 10/05/2021 11:27

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WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 10/05/2021 23:11

Nope, my dad was not hands on or took responsibility for house work. It was DEFINITELY not 50/50. But he does anything he is asked without annoyance. And always thanks mum and takes responsibility for his own areas in our family. I think it's about respect and kindness. Sometimes fairness is that respect and kindness but not always.

Mermaidwaves · 11/05/2021 00:47

This is a lovely thread and inspiring. My love life has been painful and traumatic, including my marriage and dating afterwards. I've given up on finding a loving respectful relationship but it seems they do exist? Do you think these people have just been lucky or do you think we all have this possibility sometime in our lives? It's easy to be really cynical and I'm sad that I've lost all my faith in love, cheesy as that sounds.

Ollinica · 11/05/2021 02:18

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Shoxfordian · 11/05/2021 06:13

My parents are my couple role models in some respects; they’re a team and that’s what I wanted. My husband and I are a team now, we make decisions together and we talk about everything. I’m lucky as I’m very happy and content in my marriage

I think it’s possible for everyone @Mermaidwaves
Keep dating but recognise red flags early and move on from anyone who doesn’t treat you well

grapefruitish · 11/05/2021 06:27

This is a lovely thread. I'm about to start the process of ending my second marriage, this thread shows me I'm right to do that. I won't be having another relationship but this thread is reminding me there are good relationships out there. I can't think of a single marriage I know where it's healthy or one is not secretly cheating etc.