Does it usually last with the OW?

[lucy5236]

In your experience when an Ex shacks up with the OW does it work long term?
In my case he didn't leave for her. I found out about the affair, split with my ex, the OW stayed with her then husband for a while. They've since split and her and my ex are now together.

I'm not asking from the POV that I want my ex back, i have absolutely zero interest in that. I had just initially assumed it wouldn't last but it's been a while now. The reason I care is that the OW is now part of my DS's life

It varies. From people I know of personally, one couple have stayed together decades now, their first marriages were both rubbish from what I know. Others seemed to think the grass was greener and split within a couple of years of getting together.

My experience is generally no however there are exceptions.

My exh had an affair and left shortly after we had our DC. I found out about the affair two weeks after he had left from a third party and filed for divorce. One month after the divorce was granted OW ended it between them (and went on to another married man with young children) and he ended up back on my doorstep. No thank you!

I have worked with many people having affairs, most remain a dirty little secret, however the few who did leave to be with OW, mostly it didn’t work out and they ended up crawling back to their wives again further down the line.

I’m afraid taking him back wasn’t an option that I was willing to entertain and I’m stronger for it.

DH and I left our previous spouses to be together . We've been married for 13 years . I know it's easy to say " once a cheater, always a cheater" but it's not always the case.

He started seeing her behind my back, claiming she was just a friend but 12 years later they are still together with a child. Not married though so as he is probably still screwing around.

My ex stayed with the OW for a couple of unhappy years, they'd both been married with children so I think it was very much a case of sticking with it to show everyone that it was all worth it.

He left when he had someone else to move onto, he claims they met after he left OW but that's bullshit. He's now unhappy with this latest one, can't see it lasting.

Me and my partner have stayed together 🤷‍♀️

I was the OW and DH and I have been together for 25 years.

Depends on if he's a narcissist who does the whole love bomb followed by lies and puts downs then dumps. Is she just one of his women?

If he's not a narc and has fallen for her then it depends on them I guess. Could last depending on how much he does like her.

I hope you find some new happiness soon. Try not to focus on them too much. I know it's hard. But let her have your scraps and I'm sure someone much more deserving of you will come into your life

Someone I know left for the OW and they're together almost 15 years later still

@Mydarlingmyhamburger absolutely not!

I was the OW in the dying embers of a relationship, no children involved, we have been together for 32 years.

Weather they last one not the relationship started out floored. They both deceived people and maybe each other. The relationship will almost always be miserable they really know this and some will pretend everything is OK and some will blame everyone else. I've been cheated on and my ex then went on to cheat on his wife. I'm so happy that other people see him for who he is now. I'm to blame though. All I done was left him and took my 2 dcs. I don't understand how or why people cheat. The common excuse is a unhappy relationship. If so why then do they cheat? They could just leave . I don't see a reason for it and thousands of children end up without a parent because of cheats.

Or some people make it last regardless if they are happy or not just to prove a point.

As others have said it is variable. My dad left my mum for ow. They have been together ever since. Over 40 years. With a break of a few years at the start.

My ex left me over 3 years ago for ow. It has been a rocky relationship I understand And they have split up again now.

I don't give it any head space. When I speak about them in passing I have always said I wish them well. So long as she is kind to my children. I'm not interested in anything else. (Although of course deep down I don't want it to work out as I want him to feel the hurt I did when he left.)

Try not to tie yourself in knots about his relationships. The children will meet many people his friends etc. Although my dad married ow. There was a Period of several different girl friends. It didn't have a negative impact upon me I don't think. You have to trust that the people in his life are kind to the children. As you have little influence here.

Not the same circs but two ex's of mine slagged off women who they went to have a relationship with after we split up.

The first guy called a friend he went on to date a 'fat bitch' and the second called the woman he went on the marry 'thick as pigs shit'.

Maybe your ex is happier with the ow than he is willing to let on? You sound well shot of him.

I agree that there is no 'usually'
I had two work colleagues who had simultaneous affairs. Both were in long (20ish years) relationships, both with children. One of the OW also had children.
They were both thrown out by their respective wives within weeks of each other. One went back for a few months, but they split again and he moved in with the OW.
That was 22 years ago and both are still with their OW.

@PandaLady

Not the same circs but two ex's of mine slagged off women who they went to have a relationship with after we split up.

The first guy called a friend he went on to date a 'fat bitch' and the second called the woman he went on the marry 'thick as pigs shit'.

Maybe your ex is happier with the ow than he is willing to let on? You sound well shot of him.

I'm definitely well shot of him! There's no reason for him to make out he's less happy to me, he's never given me any indication that he's happy/unhappy. We have very minimal communication.

My doubts only come from what his family and friends have said and my concern is the impact this could have on my son.

The only time he told me he didn't like her was when I first discovered the affair and our marriage ended. It was 2 years later before he finally got together with the OW

For my sons sake I'd rather they were happy so it was setting an example of a healthy relationship but I doubt that's the case.

The other pp's are right though, I need to give it less headspace and not overly worry about how it is for my son which is the hard part

All the people I have known do this have split up except 1 who seem miserable. Usually it breaks down about 10 to 15 yr mark.. one relative is on wife 6.. all affairs. I think he may be the issue after all..

For my sons sake I'd rather they were happy so it was setting an example of a healthy relationship but I doubt that's the case.

Does your son seem happy when he comes back from seeing his dad?

If he does I wouldn't worry about your Ex being happy.