Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Loving an unattainable man for 13 years

14 replies

Spunout · 08/05/2021 21:44

I need advice but if I told the whole story it would take paragraphs and paragraphs so as simply as possible...
Met a man 13 years ago,were friends first for few weeks,very full on and intense though and ended up together for few weeks too,he then went back to his ex(they'd split before we met)stayed friends,still saw him a lot ,still talking for hours etc,this went on for months until gf put her foot down.Same pattern,he would show up months later,intense friendship for few months,disappear again.
In the meantime I've had relationship and children,this was wrecked by him turning up every few months and me refusing to not go nc with him,because the fact is he's the only man I've ever loved and I did tell the children's dad this when we first got together.split with kids dad for good.
Here we are following same pattern13 years later and he turns up six months ago saying that he can't give up our friendship but wants to be with his gf,but if she can't accept the friendship then they are a no go,this is after I have walked away and told him to not contact me so many times over the years but he always reappears.
All was great for 3 months but then the gf gives the ultimatum again and he agrees,I was devastated and this was the first time I've ever shown him i'm angry and told him this was the last time he's have this power over me.it's been 6 months and I'm still devastated,we've gone longer periods nc before but this feels different,seeing him in town kills me,I'd love to move away but can't because of the kids,why can't I get a grip,I know he can't help how he is as he's bipolar,I suffer with anxiety and depression myself and the only times I ever feel like I'm living are with him.

OP posts:
Ruminating2020 · 08/05/2021 22:00

This is extremely toxic behaviour and it is doing a lot of damage to you. There is absolutely no way staying friends with someone you have feelings for ever works.
His appearing and disappearing from your life whenever it suits him is cruel both to you and to his gf. He is messing with your head and emotions.

You absolutely have to go NC with him. He is not your friend.

SelkieFly · 08/05/2021 22:03

This sounds so exhausting.

I chased after an unavailable man for a year and it eroded my self worth. I can't imagine where you're at having done this for 12 years.

Go cold turkey and expect it to be hard for 6 weeks. Block him on everything. Do not try to be his friend. Why why why would you choose this person as a friend. Throw a pin in to the phone book and the friendship would have a better chance of being rewarding.

Flowers
autumnalrain · 08/05/2021 22:52

You both need therapy

Mermaidwaves · 08/05/2021 23:28

This man is ruining your life, it's a really unhealthy dynamic. I have known your pain OP, I loved an unattainable man last year and it was torture, I never want to feel like that again. He enjoys messing with your head and must get a massive ego boost having you at his back and call. The only way to forget him is no contact and it will be hard, but he's being cruel to you, not a friend.

Sunny4876 · 08/05/2021 23:48

I know your all completely right,I've said it myself,the thing is,in all these years I'm never the one who initiates contact,it's always him.If I block my phone he turns up at my home,I've even moved quite a lot around the local area and he always finds out where.

Sakurami · 09/05/2021 00:23

What a wanker! He doesn't love you. He just wants your attention and he wants you to not move on. What a cruel thing to do.

How can you love such a despicable man? Knowingly messing you around all these years? I wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone anyone I cared about.

wanadu2022 · 09/05/2021 00:33

Why on earth do you love this man??

He's unreliable, emotionally cheating on his gf yet has no interest in being with you, inconsiderate and unbothered about how it's affecting your life. Whatever chemistry or connection you felt is irrelevant if he's of bad character. And no, it wouldn't be different with you because he doesn't love you. He's just using you. The fact he repeatedly chooses his gf and gives her the most intimate sides of himself is evidence he doesn't care about you.

Wasting 13 years on someone who is giving you nothing is behaviour you should speak to a therapist about. Do you feel like you have low self esteem? Or do you feel you need his love to feel complete? Whatever it is, you're only ruining your own life. Cut him out, see him for the emotional vampire he is and free yourself to find someone who loves you and you love. Life is too short for this!

Sunny4876 · 09/05/2021 14:14

Yes my self esteem has always been very low and I do tend to keep people at arms length because I don't want to depend or rely on anyone just to be let down,I also don't feel as worthy as others and don't know why.

SelkieWings · 09/05/2021 14:24

@sunny4876 whether or not you are the op, you have to be your own friend right now. What would a friend who loved you and wanted to see you flourish and gain confidence advise you to do?

I bet you anything she would tell you to block him.

So please stand in your own corner right now and block him. If he contacts you just be boring and say goodbye and shut the door.

He's loved the attention but never ever put you first. He has knowingly caused you pain and he plans to continue on in the same vein.

The good thing about making the decision to finally put a stop to this is that that shows self efficacy. You're reminded that you do have control over your own life and that gives you confidence and optimism.

category12 · 09/05/2021 14:31

Go into therapy and stop all contact.

Take control of your life instead repeating the same pattern of self-destructive, self-indulgent behaviour.

You are being really awful to your partners and boyfriends and you need to actually start being a decent person instead of partaking in this nonsense and hurting other people and pretending you have no option. Get over yourself and make some changes.

Sunny4876 · 09/05/2021 14:55

Thank you all,you have all repeated what I already know,of course I know,it's actually cutting the strings is the hardest.
He's in some trouble at the moment and all I want is to be there for him and try to make it all better for him and if can't do that just to know I'm there,but I know full well it's not reciprocated.
I really wish I could move away from him.
I'm seeing the mental health team this week,will enquire about counselling but I'm not sure I'll be able to open up to someone in person about how pathetic I have been and are still being.

SelkieWings · 09/05/2021 15:55

You are not being pathetic. This is attachment. Not an attachment that's serving you though. But it's hard to hack this. Try to be turned off by his dithering, coming and going, playing a part in your marriage not lasting (?) , stringing you along, telling his girlfriends they must accept his friendship with you. Eugh eugh eugh. Get. Turned. Off. Flowers

Christopher germer on youtube has a really good self compassion meditation 20 mins long where you talk yourself like you are a friend you love. If you were your friend you might well say "this will be hard but you're wise enough to do what's right for you and you're strong enough to get through this and grow from it".

Blossompetals · 09/05/2021 18:54

Hi. Ive recently split from a really strange man. He's got to be a narcissist.

He was very intense with me when I met him last year. He was older. Only met him through him working on my friends house. Seemed charming! Adding him on Facebook. That led to him messaging me. We fell on love pretty fast. Gifts were exchanged. Promises were made. He knew I had young kids. But he continued to communicate. In my face 24/7. Texts. Calls etc.

After a week of us talking his ex came up. I should have known! The way he talked about her it was clear he wasn't emotionally done. He had her photos up in his new flat. He was always talking about her. They had a so called friendship. She was always in contact with him and it did my head in. I wanted her to move on so he would also focus on us properly. He took her photos down for a while but they were put back up.

After a few months it was clear he was a liar. He nearly called me her name. He was always telling me how she was currently feeling or that some guy had offered her his number. Telling me she was showing him TiK ToK videos of her etc. (he's late forties by the way and she's late 30s) eventually I caught him flirting and texting other women anyway and I told him it was over. Since then I've finally found out that his version of how they separated was a lie. He said they just grew apart and sat down with a cuppa and had his conversation at the kitchen table about it being over. Then this mutual friendship continued. But a woman he slept with told me that she dumped him when she found out he was having sex with this other woman and it wasn't the first time she had caught him in touch with another woman. She said he even was after her sister at one point.

No idea why but she's still in his life 2.5 years after dumping him. I've never been able to understand it. But she still must think he's worth her time in some way. Whether she thinks they could work now they are living apart I don't know! He's given up alcohol and stuff in the last year too. So maybe she's under the illusion he's "changed". All I know now I've kicked him out my life is he emotionally exhausted me. I couldn't have let that go on any longer.

It was incredibly hard to let him go because I loved him. I was serious about him. I meant everything I said and did for him. I lent him money and everything. I just adored the bones of him. But he was using me. Lying to me. Playing me. In the cruelest way. I know he is toxic and a narc because

He has no relationship with his parents. Siblings. Ex wife hates him. Ex girlfriend is clearly trauma bonded too him. He has two grown up kids. They both came back into his life 3 years ago to suprise him after he dropped out when they were kids. One of them has since had children and stopped speaking to him. The younger one who is quite nieve and innocent will ring him and she loves him it seems. Not sure why though as he's given them nothing over the years.

He also had a drink problem as I said. He has driven recklessly in the past and ended up in a coma. He speaks to people like rubbish. He has anger issues. He lies.

The worst part about him though is he doesn't care about other people or how he hurts them or affects them. He messes with people's minds. Particularly women. I am in touch with a woman who left her husband for him and when he wanted his ex back he just didn't show up to meet this woman and blocked her on all places for two months. She ended up on anti depressants and wouldn't leave the house for a year. She's a beautiful 45 year old mother. But he has broken her down and down over the years. She like you took him back for years and only stopped messaging him two months ago when I told her about me! She had no idea he was talking to other women. He also had no care for my little kids when he was promising me a future. He knew he was never gunna stay or commit. But he kept the act up.

You are caught up in his web and you need to get away for good this time. When you move on properly like I have you end up thinking I can't believe I allowed that to happen. I cringe at myself now and all the wasted time. All the times we were saying how in love we were etc. But he was swearing at me. Shouting at me. Flirting right Infront of me on social media. Having his ex round without telling me for a cuppa. He was never ever going to choose me over her. Ever! She will always be in his life and whoever else gets involved with him will suffer the same fate. Being in the exes shadow.

Sorry I've wrote so much about myself. But I want you to realise that he has been messing with your mind and weakening you for years. Get whatever help you need to get away. You don't need him sucking the life out of you anymore. I sleep so much better now. Because my life is finally peaceful.

No mistaken the peace for loneliness x

username12345T · 09/05/2021 20:43

He sounds like a wanker OP, it's his gf I feel sorry for. Imagine being her and having to set ultimatums with him, how humiliating.

There isn't some big unrequited love story here, it's all in your head. He loves the attention and the power of it all, it feeds his ego. Have a long think about what you're getting out of it. It certainly means that you don't have to properly commit to anyone. I'd get some therapy to explore it all and in the meantime block him. He's a prat.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread