Hi. Ive recently split from a really strange man. He's got to be a narcissist.
He was very intense with me when I met him last year. He was older. Only met him through him working on my friends house. Seemed charming! Adding him on Facebook. That led to him messaging me. We fell on love pretty fast. Gifts were exchanged. Promises were made. He knew I had young kids. But he continued to communicate. In my face 24/7. Texts. Calls etc.
After a week of us talking his ex came up. I should have known! The way he talked about her it was clear he wasn't emotionally done. He had her photos up in his new flat. He was always talking about her. They had a so called friendship. She was always in contact with him and it did my head in. I wanted her to move on so he would also focus on us properly. He took her photos down for a while but they were put back up.
After a few months it was clear he was a liar. He nearly called me her name. He was always telling me how she was currently feeling or that some guy had offered her his number. Telling me she was showing him TiK ToK videos of her etc. (he's late forties by the way and she's late 30s) eventually I caught him flirting and texting other women anyway and I told him it was over. Since then I've finally found out that his version of how they separated was a lie. He said they just grew apart and sat down with a cuppa and had his conversation at the kitchen table about it being over. Then this mutual friendship continued. But a woman he slept with told me that she dumped him when she found out he was having sex with this other woman and it wasn't the first time she had caught him in touch with another woman. She said he even was after her sister at one point.
No idea why but she's still in his life 2.5 years after dumping him. I've never been able to understand it. But she still must think he's worth her time in some way. Whether she thinks they could work now they are living apart I don't know! He's given up alcohol and stuff in the last year too. So maybe she's under the illusion he's "changed". All I know now I've kicked him out my life is he emotionally exhausted me. I couldn't have let that go on any longer.
It was incredibly hard to let him go because I loved him. I was serious about him. I meant everything I said and did for him. I lent him money and everything. I just adored the bones of him. But he was using me. Lying to me. Playing me. In the cruelest way. I know he is toxic and a narc because
He has no relationship with his parents. Siblings. Ex wife hates him. Ex girlfriend is clearly trauma bonded too him. He has two grown up kids. They both came back into his life 3 years ago to suprise him after he dropped out when they were kids. One of them has since had children and stopped speaking to him. The younger one who is quite nieve and innocent will ring him and she loves him it seems. Not sure why though as he's given them nothing over the years.
He also had a drink problem as I said. He has driven recklessly in the past and ended up in a coma. He speaks to people like rubbish. He has anger issues. He lies.
The worst part about him though is he doesn't care about other people or how he hurts them or affects them. He messes with people's minds. Particularly women. I am in touch with a woman who left her husband for him and when he wanted his ex back he just didn't show up to meet this woman and blocked her on all places for two months. She ended up on anti depressants and wouldn't leave the house for a year. She's a beautiful 45 year old mother. But he has broken her down and down over the years. She like you took him back for years and only stopped messaging him two months ago when I told her about me! She had no idea he was talking to other women. He also had no care for my little kids when he was promising me a future. He knew he was never gunna stay or commit. But he kept the act up.
You are caught up in his web and you need to get away for good this time. When you move on properly like I have you end up thinking I can't believe I allowed that to happen. I cringe at myself now and all the wasted time. All the times we were saying how in love we were etc. But he was swearing at me. Shouting at me. Flirting right Infront of me on social media. Having his ex round without telling me for a cuppa. He was never ever going to choose me over her. Ever! She will always be in his life and whoever else gets involved with him will suffer the same fate. Being in the exes shadow.
Sorry I've wrote so much about myself. But I want you to realise that he has been messing with your mind and weakening you for years. Get whatever help you need to get away. You don't need him sucking the life out of you anymore. I sleep so much better now. Because my life is finally peaceful.
No mistaken the peace for loneliness x