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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Blindly reaching out

3 replies

ItsNotLoveActually · 08/05/2021 20:16

Separated 4 yrs. I had an exit affair but told him about it before anything got physical. I thought that mattered but apparently not. May as well gone the whole hog. We lived together 18mths before he actually left, to live abroad. My DF died. I'm going through menopause. I've had several short term relationships, plus a 9mth and 18mth one. Heck, just writing that makes me think how the hell did I fit it all in. I don't work, I get DLA and Carers for my DS. I wanted to get out of the rat trap of benefits before lockdown and was so optimistic. I wanted to be independent. I still do. I know a man isn't going to solve that.
I just feel so despondent. My ex is coming back in a couple of weeks and will be living here. He half owns it, so nothing I can do. He isn't a great Dad, never pulled his weight. He'll treat this house like a hotel and I'll have to put up with it. He thinks because he pays half the mortgage it gives him the rights to just move back when it suits him. He doesn't contribute when the stays. He doesn't even do anything with our DS! I'm at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 08/05/2021 21:01

This sounds difficult OP. Were you looking for advice or a vent?

Also, why aren’t you divorced?

ItsNotLoveActually · 08/05/2021 21:18

@autumnalrain - thank you. I'm venting and in need of advice. I've made such a mess of my life. Legally, I can't stop my ex from staying here.
It just makes a mockery of being separated. He still see's this as his home. He pays half the mortgage - so he can keep in line of inflation etc.
I can't copy anymore. I want out. I can't cope with the repeated visits back her. It's my home now. Not his.

OP posts:
pog100 · 08/05/2021 21:47

I think the best advice is above. Sort out divorce.

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