How can I stop being so clingy?

[Redleavesfalling289]

I've been with my OH for several years, though much of this has been long-distance (not crazy distance, but 2 hours ish.) We've had our issues in the past, but things have been mostly good till recently.

My MH really got hit by the pandemic. I was once very nearly violently attacked, and had felt I was over it, but I think all this time in the house has sent me slightly agoraphobic. I get very fearful when out on my own, even going to the shops. I constantly worry, in a very OTT way, about the likelihood of being attacked. Get the bus to the gym etc 'cos I can't face walking there.

I don't know if this relates to how I am with my partner, but I've become very clingy with him. I really want him to move to London to be with me. It's tricky for financial reasons for him, but a few months ago he was quite keen, but seems to have gone off the idea a bit recently. I've suffered two job losses due to the pandemic, gained weight, lost social confidence. Even though I was in a job I hated before the pandemic hit, I was having a great time with friends and colleagues, nights out, theatre etc. My bofriend has pretty much become my only social contact since Covid hit, which I know is not good, but I can't do much about that.

Examples of my clingy behaviour:

Begging him not to leave/refusing to let him leave when he needs to go back for work.
Ringing him a few days after he's left asking him to come back immediately.
Getting drunk/tearful whenever he is with me because I can't face the thought of him leaving again.

Reading this back, I know I sound a nightmare, but I've got to a stage where it occurs automatically. I never used to be like this, as I'd miss him when we were apart, but I'd also have fun in between and happily fill weekends with friends and hobbies. I do feel if we lived together I'd be less clingy, as the thought of him leaving wouldn't constantly hang over me.

However, this is more than my relationship, I think. I really want to get the old me back - the me that would have been more clear headed and actually valued my independence and life outside the relationship.

But how when it's become a pattern?

It sounds like you dont feel safe.
Have you talked with a therapist about your scary experience? Because it might be that you need some cognitive behavioural therapy. You could even have PTSD. Either way, see your gp.

Your clingy behaviour is a result of something bigger. A symptom. But not the route of the issue. And until you address your fears and make yourself whole again, you'll continue to feel unstable and be overly clingy.

Are you job hunting? And why can’t you talk to your friends?

Yes, I've applied for many jobs already - lots of rejections which seems disheartening. It's a competitive industry, but I have more than entry level experience.

I do chat with friends on Zoom etc. but it's not the same as seeing them in person and having experiences with them. I know restrictions are lifting now, so perhaps I will start to feel better.

I would say get some therapy as you might be suffering a little with ptsd. Also you’ve been together several Years so maybe you’re not clingy maybe you just want to settle down now?