Friends with benefits

[sunnydaysxxx]

I have posted before. So if you've read something similar please don't criticise me.
I'm not as strong as some of you.

I am friends with benefits with this guy. Have been for 8 months.
I see him 4-5 times a week. Not just for sex but we walk and visit places too, have dinner and chill etc.

He has 3 other female friends he also met off dating sites and one of them he classes as his best friend.
I am 99% sure they are nothing but friends as when he sees her he doesn't stay long. They do a lot of walking etc as most friends do.

Anyway. He talks about her a lot (he criticises her appearance to me, she's too skinny, not pretty etc) he talks about her to his colleagues on the phone and to me.

They are going camping together soon which has been planned way before I met him.

We are going camping also but he hasn't told her. Won't tell her. Or anyone for that fact. I'm like a big secret.

He said if he tells his female friend she will distance herself and he doesn't want that.

I don't think he's sleeping with anyone else as I do spend an awful lot of time with him.

But if he chooses to spend so much times with me why am I still a secret.

Because he is available for a relationship that is more than FWB?

Have you asked about being sexually exclusive or do you just always use condoms to protect yourself?

You don’t seem to want him as a fwb, you want more?
“ I see him 4-5 times a week. Not just for sex but we walk and visit places too, have dinner and chill etc. ” That’s not fwb in my opinion.
Personally I think you are going to get hurt and should throw this fish back in the sea, look for
someone more mature and ready for a relationship.

I agree with Suzi

Hmm... I would throw this fish back in the sea too.

The fact that he can be honest with you about not wanting anything serious but can’t do the same for the other woman makes me think she is the proper girlfriend and he is just using you for some fun on the side.

But even if he was a FWB to everyone, what makes you think he is not bad mouthing you to his friends and other FWB?

He wants his 'best friend' as a gf, but she's not interested. He's hanging in there in the hope she'll change her mind. He belittles her to you to make himself feel better about it. He won't tell her about you because he still hopes she'll fall for him. You are his fill-in faux-girlfriend until she comes round.

So he's not only disrespecting you by keeping you hanging as a secret, but also her by refusing to accept she's not interested.

You just need to be just a tiny bit stronger, and protect yourself. You want him; he wants her. You are worth more than a faux-relationship that stops you finding a real one.

Why do you want people to know about you if you are fwb?

That’s not a FWB, it’s taking far too much of your time, and you care if he is sleeping with others.

For you it’s a relationship and you need to either just be friends. Without the benefits. Or walk away completely.

His idea that this is a FWB situation or yours? I think you are not being honest with him and you want more than FWB. He likes having someone around to do things other than sex with, thus giving the impression that it's a relationship, but sticks with the FWB label, because there's no comeback for you if he wants to shag someone else. You are being naiive to think that sex is not happening with the other woman, the slagging her appearance to you is a classic cover.
I'd say it makes total sense what he's up to, you know about her, because you get the title of Feb from him. She doesn't know about you, likely because she thinks, and may actually be, his GF.
If he's known her longer, I'd say he already had a GF, which is why he picked you on the side as an FWB.
At the end of the day, the fact that you care enough to ask, agree to go on hols, like to think he's exclusive to you - he isn't- means that you most definitely do not see him as an FWB, exactly why you should get out.
Please at least be using condoms, fwb is a green light to shag others at will, that's the point of it - a point you've missed. Don't be complicit in sharing STI's around, that's grim.

Fwb - bloody auto correct