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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t want to have sex with DH.

9 replies

Umbrellafrills · 08/05/2021 16:57

And I’m not sure where to go from here.
It’s been nearly two years now. Neither of us talk about it. It feels too awkward. I mentioned it about two years ago in terms of not thinking it was healthy and it was kind of a prelude to me talking about whether or not we wanted to stay married and how he felt but I didn’t get that far because he then pressured me to have sex - although he probably felt he couldn’t win because there I was saying that I thought it wasn’t great that we never had sex and then when he put pressure on me to do so I still didn’t want it. That was the last time we had sex, or even kissed. It was really unpleasant because prior to that we’d not had sex for maybe three years and to go from that to suddenly being expected to have sex every day for a fortnight was not very nice. But not Dh’s fault either as like I said - he can’t win.
In reference since he’s just said sex isn’t the most important thing and other things matter more.

I feel depressed and torn. I look at my dc and think why am I even considering breaking up their family. And then I also think how can we go on like this forever?

OP posts:
Umbrellafrills · 08/05/2021 17:27

Anyway?

OP posts:
Umbrellafrills · 08/05/2021 17:27

Sorry anyone?

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 08/05/2021 17:47

I think the lack of responses are from confusion. I can't work out if either of you really want sex, or just think you should be having sex? Is there affection, respect, mutual goals etc? He seems 'fine with no sex, you don't want sex with him so I'm not sure what the issue is. Sex is not a necessity - as long as no sex is mutually acceptable.

JustAnotherOldMan · 08/05/2021 17:57

Can’t really follow your post, you went from nothing to daily for 2weeks then back to nothing? (Ttc ? )
If both of you okay not having sex then you have nothing to worry about, but if one of suddenly discovers a sex-drive, it could be time for a discussion & I don’t see why it has to be awkward, it’s only sex

Wishingandwishing · 08/05/2021 18:02

As previous is the issue you want sex just not with DH?

itwa · 08/05/2021 18:12

How old are you, have you completed your family?

Umbrellafrills · 08/05/2021 18:28
  1. And yes. Definitely

I don’t want to have sex with him but what happened when I tried to talk about it with him was that he became very insistent that we have sex and was like it for about a fortnight. Then it stopped again. I didn’t say no but I didn’t want it. But he probably thought I did. I don’t think he meant to upset me.

OP posts:
Lunettesloupes · 08/05/2021 18:34

Sounds like you need to have an adult to adult chat with your DH and discuss how each of you feel about sex and the relationship more broadly. Could be with a relationship counsellor if it’s too awkward just the two of you.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/05/2021 18:36

Forget the sex for a minute.

Do you love him? In love with him? Want to live alone in the house with him once the kids leave?

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