I can remember my parents having so many fights and shouting matches when I was small. Basically both of my parents were abusive in their own way to themselves and to others.
My parents adopted traditional roles. My father was an alcoholic and a cheat and he was abusive towards my mother. I think my mother did the best she could do under the circumstances. Our relationship was definitely strained when I was growing up. I can remember one incident when I was about 16 years old. Basically when I was 13 I got a job and held that job down for years even working hours outside of school in the evenings and weekends. At 16 I was let go. When I finished school for the summer, I found it hard to get work. I was applying to so many places to get work. Early in that summer when I didn't have a job, my mother nearly killed me and she threatened me with homelessness. I saw something bad in my mother at that point. I was doing the best that I could do and there she was threatening me and shaming me.
She was all about money from my teenage years and into my 20s with an attitude that I must pay her back for being raised.
It's only now that I see narcissistic traits in my mother and there's so many of them. Ignoring and silent treatment before blowing up in anger and rage nearly always about money as if she's owed.
I remember an episode from my father when I was a teenager. He came home drunk. He tole me and my older siblings that my younger brother is not his and that he came home and caught another man in bed with my mother and that's why he went out and got himself a mistress. I was so young at the time but I knew what he was talking about was drunk bullshit. It was him that was always gone from the family. It was my mother who was always at home.
I don't know if any of that was true or not or if he only wanted to stir trouble for my mother. He hated her by the way.
Now that I am much older I can see that my mother has narcissistic traits and she's not entirely honest or truthful as a person with her narcissistic. Her whole life is a lie and the scenarios she builds to try for some narcissistic control.
She mellowed over the years and our relationship improved. Over lockdown she went back to her old ways. She hates me. Even though I always aimed to please and I am careful not to dish out criticism towards her. She's hates me. It's narcissistic control that she wants from me.
Now I am wondering if there was any truth in what my father said all them years ago about my brother. If there's any truth in it, my mother lived a massive lie for several decades as to who my brothers father is. Not only that but if it is true, she always led us to believe it was my father who tore up the marriage and the family.
Both of my parents lacks integrity in their own ways and my head is melted over what my father said. My brother would have been too young to know or remember what he said. I don't think he was in the room at the time my father was drunkenly telling us this tale.
In my opinion it was a lie he made up to gain sympathy from his Catholic mother that he had a cheating wife at home so that his old Catholic mother would warm to the mistress. My mother's narcissistic traits has me casting doubts and wondering if it was true or not.
How do I approach this if at all?