help my toxic relationship

[Buzybu]

I need help, my relationship is so toxic and I seem incapable of letting it go.

DP used an online forum to speak / sext other people / strangers. When I first found out he denied it/ minimised it and I felt upset but decided I could move on if he never went on it again. We agreed he would block it on safari and disable incognito mode, so I’d know if he ever went on it again.

A year later I got suspicious. I then realised that you can access it without it showing through a very sneaky method. When I found out he wanted to show I could trust him so he gave me the account, I read everything, and then he got therapy.

I still felt like I needed more to KNOW he wasn’t going on it anymore. He agreed to restrictions on his phone that make it impossible to access it. He can access everything else, his apps etc, but it was fool proof. But it also meant if he didn’t have an app for something he couldn’t access it. This very rarely caused him any issues.

However, when we argue he threatens to buy a new phone so he starts fresh and can do what he wants on it. I don’t feel that this shows remorse or change and he tells me I need to “get over it”.

Today, in an argument, he’s bought a new phone.

It’s made me realise I can’t monitor him forever but I am not ready to just trust him. I feel so sad and confused.

Help me?

What’s the point of you wasting your time on Somebody you’ll never trust?
My ex was like this, just did it over and over again

@justthecat I know this. I keep hoping if he just does this I’d trust him. For example, with the thing on his phone, for some wild reason I trust him. I don’t worry about what he’s doing.

However without them, I can’t imagine being with him. I knew they’d eventually need to go but I did think he’d wait and we would come up with a plan together.

break up, you both suck here.
him for being an asshole and msg/sext other people and you for completely controlling his phone. its not sustainable...

It's not the apps that are the issue - it's him! I believe that people can make mistakes but from experience of this kind of thing it happens again and again!

I refuse to live the life of acting like a parent monitoring their teenage son! You deserve better x

He will always find a way to do it if he wants too, when it happened to me it was about 18 years ago and he still managed to do it and tech has come along so much since then

I know everyone’s right. I just don’t really know how to move on and get the strength.

I got therapy to understand why I needed the control. She was amazing. She really helped and we came up with a long term strategy. It’s been taken from me though, so I realise I can’t just feel ok or get over it. I don’t want to feel like I’ll be betrayed if I’m not constantly alert.

He has a new phone so let him go
He’s just going to cheat on you again